


This is Not the End

by Reylophilic



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, Post-Canon Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 36,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22104661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reylophilic/pseuds/Reylophilic
Summary: Ben Solo imagines an ocean.Its waves dash against the shore somewhere below him, the sound like distant thunder.   Carried in on their crests, barely audible over the storm, the voices call to him.If you see our son, bring him home.I miss you, son.  Come home.My son is alive.It isn’t too late.I’ll help you.Be with me.Ben.At the sound of the last voice, something stirs inside him.  He remembers joy.  One perfect moment of shared breaths, soft smiles, and open hearts.  And then ... floating away.Ben opens his eyes.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 26
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Episode IX
> 
> I've posted before to fanfiction.net, but never to this site, so I'm a bit nervous and probably doing something wrong. In fact, I'm sure the formatting is wrong. But I hope you enjoy my attempt at fixing a bad ending.
> 
> Also, I don't know how to change the chapter count. I think this will be about 5 to 6 chapters long.
> 
> Thanks to my beta, sunshine.katz, for reading and for encouraging me.
> 
> Here goes nothing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is being torn apart.
> 
> On the ground is a set of black clothes, which just seconds ago was occupied by Ben. 
> 
> Where are the Jedi? Where is the Resistance? 
> 
> “Ben?”
> 
> There is no answer.
> 
> She is all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get to see Rey grieve for Ben in the movie, so I may have overindulged and written 5,500 words of pain and misery.
> 
> Thanks again, sunshine.katz, for reading this over for me and giving me some suggestions. Thank you also, stack of Star Wars visual dictionaries, my sacred Jedi texts. Without you, I would not know how to pretend to Star Wars.

Rey is being torn apart.

On the ground is a set of black clothes, which just seconds ago was occupied by Ben. 

Her mind races as she tries to figure out what to do, but she can’t think. It’s too loud, the rapid pulsing of her blood roaring in her ears as her heart thunders in her chest. Distantly, she hears someone gasping. 

She lifts her eyes to the dusty plains and broken rock around her. No one is there. All she hears is herself, struggling to breathe. 

Feeling like she might pass out, she grabs for his sweater, filled with horror that it, too, will disappear. His warmth still clings to its fibers, but she is cold all over. 

Where are the Jedi? Where is the Resistance? 

“Ben?”

There is no answer.

She is all alone.

Her mouth opens in a silent wail. Gritting her teeth, she screams through her pain as she forces herself to her feet. Closing her eyes, she reaches out, diving deep into the depths of their bond. 

Where once there had been a vibrant, erratic energy, now there is nothing. His absence weighs so heavily upon her, she doesn’t think she will ever be able to escape it. And it hurts so, so very much. 

She wants to be free of this pain. On unsteady feet, she makes her way over to the abyss and stares down. The void is so dark she can’t see its end. But maybe at the bottom she will find Ben.

She is almost ready to leap. 

Only the thought of Ben returning stops her from taking that last step. If Palpatine can, what is to prevent Ben from coming back too? And if he does, and she’s not there...her stomach twists in pain at the thought of missing him. 

She knows what she has to do, but she doesn’t know if she has the strength to do it.

She wants to die, but she has to go on. And in order to do that, she needs to leave this place. 

She needs to leave Ben behind.

There are no Jedi to help her as she takes these first steps away from him. Only herself and two lightsabers wrapped up in a black sweater that she can’t bear to leave in the dust. She thinks the farther away she gets, the easier it will be. With distance, the pull will lessen. But he isn’t just absent from the dirt floor of Exegol. He is absent in her very self. A black hole opening behind her sternum. 

“I’m so sorry,” she says through tears. Then she closes off their bond. The excruciating ache is gone; in its place a chilling numbness.

Rey forges on. 

She came alone. She fought alone. She will return alone. With every step, she repeats this mantra. Every time her foot strikes the ground, she adds another layer to the wall she builds between herself and the severed connection. 

Finally, she sees the outline of Luke’s old X-wing in the eerie blue light. Docked next to it is another ship. Her mind stumbles, and she feels the hastily erected barrier around her heart tremble. Remembers the black sweater that she clutches in her hand. 

She came alone. She fought alone. She will return alone. 

She climbs into the X-wing, staring straight ahead. The first thing she does is find her satchel. She pushes the sweater to the bottom of the bag and closes it. Powering up the ship, she punches in the coordinates for the Resistance base and escapes as quickly as she can. 

Somewhere between Exegol and Ajan Kloss, Rey powers down, slumps against her seat. The streaks of light she had always enjoyed in the past rush by, but she hardly notices. She waits as the ship carries her back to Finn and Poe and the Resistance. 

She came alone. She fought alone. She will return alone. 

The ship lands amongst a sea of activity. She takes a deep breath and punches the button to open the hatch. She climbs out of the ship and stands in its shadow, observing everyone around her. A wall of sound crashes over her, and she is buffeted by the swell of cheer that seems to have infected everyone on the base. 

It is with relief that she sees Finn and Poe. She walks towards them, and when they see her, they run to her side and envelop her in their arms. She sags against them. Their kindness undoes something inside of her. The wall she’s built begins to shake, reminding her just what she’s trying to block out. Hidden in their embrace, she nearly breaks down. 

They think they know her, but no one really does.

Just Ben.

All around, people celebrate the disappearance of the evil Supreme Leader and the death of the even more depraved Palpatine. All of them unaware that their Jedi hero is nothing more than the Sithspawn of the former Emperor. Wholly ignorant of the Supreme Leader’s sacrifice to save her. 

The love of her life is dead. He should be alive. And he would be, if not for her. 

She should tell her friends. But in order to do that, she first has to admit that he’s really gone. 

Instead, she tells Finn and Poe that the last time she’d seen Kylo Ren, it had been on the ruins of the Death Star. And she tells herself she left Ben there newly healed, and he will come back for her. One day. He just needs to find the way first. 

When she thinks of Ben, well, she can’t, so she doesn’t. It isn’t hard to divorce herself from reality. She's had loads of practice doing it on Jakku. Besides, there is so much that needs to be done in the aftermath of the battle, so many tasks with which to occupy herself. If she just keeps moving, there will be no room to think. 

For three days, this works. She musters happy smiles that she does not feel. Fights off the rest that she desperately needs. But eventually exhaustion overtakes her. 

In the vast, open spaces of her dreams, Rey is defenseless. 

A throne towers above her. On it sits Palpatine, her long wished for family. Nearly two decades of waiting for someone to claim her as their own, and it culminates in this. Her grandfather is a loathsome thing, but he is right. No one is coming for her. Han is dead. So is Luke, and now Leia. The only people she has left are dying in the skies above, led by her to their doom. She does not want the power that Palpatine offers, but if she is to save the Resistance she has no other choice but to accept it. And while she doesn’t fully understand what it would mean to be all the Sith, she knows it will destroy her. Lifting her lightsaber, she resigns herself to her fate.

It is in this moment, when all hope is lost, that the world fades away, and there is Ben. Their eyes lock, and she stares, not quite believing what she’s seeing. At first, she is unsure whether he is friend or foe, but as he gazes at her with all gentleness she knows. Ben is here for her. He nods, and she feels her heart lighten. She will never be alone again. 

Time skips. They stand side by side. As one, they draw their lightsabers against Palpatine. There is no hate. No anger or desire for revenge. There is no room for anything in her heart but the love she feels for Ben. Even if she strikes down Palpatine, she will do so as a Jedi, as her own person.

Time skips. She feels cold all over, except for a warmth spread across her belly and at the base of her neck. She seeks out that heat, placing her hand atop one much larger than her own. And when her sight returns, she finds him looking at her with concern. With a start, she sits up. 

Somehow she is no longer dead. And neither is he.

“Ben.” 

Ben Solo is a miracle. One she’s scarcely allowed herself to hope for in the bleakness of this last, loneliest year. And then it dawns on her. She’s actually longed for this her entire life. Ben is the belonging she had always sought. In amazement, she reaches for his face. Her fingers tremble as she caresses the smooth skin of his cheek, then his chin. She hesitates, but is unable to keep herself from touching his ear, tangling her fingers in his hair. It’s just as soft as she imagined it would be. 

Ben doesn’t move as she touches him. But his face, his expressive, beautiful face, struggles to contain all he feels. His eyes wrinkle at the corners, as if he, too, can’t believe that they’re here together. They gleam, full of tenderness as he gazes into her eyes, then scans her face. A tremulous smile forms on his lips. 

Her eyes drop to his mouth. 

Ben is so still, so cautious, as if he’s afraid he’ll break some spell. Maybe she should be too. She’s never kissed anyone before. Had never really even thought about it--not until she’d shared an elevator with him as he led her to Snoke. And since then, well, she’s thought about it a lot. Always and only with him. Still, she has no idea what to do; just lets herself be guided by instinct. 

She tilts her head and leans in with closed eyes, using her hand on his face to orient herself. Ben’s mouth is slightly parted, and she feels her lower lip catch between his. His fingers twitch on her neck, then curl possessively. The weight of his other hand moves up her back, pulling her closer. Her stomach swoops, and her skin tingles all over. His lips are so soft, and she sighs against them as she leans in, desperate to be with him after holding him at arm’s length for so long. 

Nothing in her mostly miserable existence has ever prepared her to feel like this. Not even her connection to the Force. Perhaps it’s because of their dyad. She doesn’t really care. She only knows she never wants this to end. So she holds him in place, savoring the press of his mouth against hers, the closeness of his heart to hers. 

After years of neglect, of barely existing, and never actually getting to experience any good thing, because the fear of it being taken away from her always loomed large, Rey doesn’t quite comprehend the ache she feels. But as she keeps kissing him, she begins to understand. This is what it feels like to be wanted. To be cared for. The overwhelming, all-consuming joy of it crashes over her; floods the barren landscape that has been her meager existence. To experience it all at once, after going so long without it, hurts. And yet, she feels no fear as she opens her heart fully, even greedily, to it. To Ben. She’s tired of living her life one-quarter portion to one-quarter portion. She never wants anything to come between them ever again. 

And for the first time in her life, Rey truly believes that nothing ever will. She will get to hold on to this with both hands. 

She doesn’t want it to end, but she’s getting dizzy. Begrudgingly, she pulls back for just a second to catch her breath. But it’s hard to stay upset when he smiles at her. When he is so handsome that he takes her breath away all over again. There will be time for many more kisses. This is just their beginning. And she’s never seen him smile before. She reaches out her hand, wanting to memorize this moment. Touches the unexpected dimple. Savors the slightly crooked teeth. The softness of his hair. And his ears! Maker, she loves those ears. Actually, she loves everything about him. 

She needs to tell him.

Rey awakes, her heart bursting. Blinking into the darkness, she looks for Ben, but he isn’t there. Out of habit, she reaches for him through the bond, and immediately recoils from the piercing pain that she encounters. The sounds of life on the base travel through the thin walls of her room. She remembers where she actually is, what has transpired. She bites her hand to stifle her cries. Doesn’t want people to hear her as she desperately tries to rebuild the stronghold that has fallen.

There is so much else she needs to deal with--her new lineage, the death of her parents and Master, being a conduit of the Jedi and being destroyed by it, the obliteration of the Skywalker and Solo families by her grandfather--but all she can think about is Ben. She’s seen something like this before in the sickbays. Fighters badly injured all over, but priority given to the trauma that will most quickly result in death. Triage. She’s hemorrhaging from the wound caused by his absence. She can’t even think of the other things until she’s dealt with Ben’s loss. 

She stares up at the ceiling, and while she knows it’s not real, she can’t help but feel that the walls are closing in on her. That her life is getting smaller and smaller. Then and there she resolves to escape. Spends the rest of the night coming up with a suitable reason to leave the Resistance as they begin their rebuilding efforts. Going to Tatooine to honor Luke and Leia is the first idea she lands upon that makes sense. People would approve of her mourning these Skywalkers; they would not question why she had to go to honor their heroes. 

Judging by the pushback she gets from Finn and Poe when she shares the idea with them the next morning, though, they are not convinced. She doesn’t care. Ignoring their protests, she boards the Falcon, only to discover that she has company in the form of a stowaway-droid after she’s left Ajan Kloss behind. Her goal is to get as far away as possible as quickly as she can, so even though she just left, she won’t turn around. Besides, if she’s honest, she’ll need BB-8’s help, since she doesn’t have a co-pilot. Still, she resents the droid’s presence, especially since she knows BB-8 is there to spy on her. 

According to the route she has charted, the trip from Ajan Kloss to Tatooine will take nearly four days and multiple hyperspace lane changes. She also needs to make a stop along the way to restock her supply of rations, which she’d neglected to do in her hurry to escape. She’s already on edge (has been since her return to the base), and they are still hours away from entering the Braxant Run. After a particularly heated exchange with BB-8, she banishes the droid from the cockpit. For all intents and purposes, Rey is alone.

She puts the ship on auto-pilot and stares out through the viewport. The Falcon flies by one of Ajan Kloss’s moons, passing through its shadow. Rey’s skin prickles from the cold, though the cabin’s temperature stays the same. Beyond the moon, there seems nothing else, just endless space. 

Rey tries to distract herself from the overwhelming feeling of her own insignificance, but when she closes her eyes all she sees is the wall she’s been building inside. And all she thinks about is what’s behind it. Which is somehow worse. 

_ You’re not alone. _

That moment--the low pitch of his voice, the soft firelight on the planes of his face, the brush of fingertips between two people so starved for belonging, two souls so connected--seems like a lie now.  She wipes at her eyes, angry at herself. He’d made no promise that she’d stay that way. Why did she let herself assume that it would be forever? 

Something inside her breaks and she notices the wall has collapsed into a pile of rocks, leaving a cloud of debris she can’t see through. When the dust finally settles, she is faced with a vacuum. Void of color, sound, life. Him. 

She’s tried--for the sake of her heart, for the sake of being able to even function at all--to forget what happened, to forget him. And she keeps failing, because she does not want to let go of Ben Solo. And she’s beginning to think that she never will. 

She stumbles away from the viewport and grabs her bag. Carefully, she removes all the items save the one that rests at the bottom. With trembling fingers, she lifts Ben’s sweater out of the bag, still fearful that it will disappear just like…She shakes her head, willing away her terror.

She pulls the sweater over her head. The soft material almost reaches her knees, and the sleeves hang past her fingertips. She pushes them back over her elbows and pads over to the pilot’s chair and sits down. Closing her eyes, she breathes in deeply, filling her lungs with the familiar scent. Breathes him in until she’s calmed down. 

Distracted, she doesn’t notice the passage of time, or realize that BB-8 has rolled up to her. The droid nudges against her knee.

“Sorry about earlier. I haven’t been feeling myself lately.”

BB-8 nudges against her again and offers a series of quiet beeps.

“Thanks, BB. I’ll be fine. I just need…”

She needs Ben. 

“...more time.”

BB-8 says nothing else but scurries about the cabin, preparing for their entry into the Braxant Run. When it’s time, the ship lurches as they are catapulted into hyperspace.

Ribbons of light streak past the viewport and she stares at them, wondering what Ben is doing right now. Somehow, surrounded by all this light, she feels closer to him. The luminous lines begin to blur, and when something warm and wet falls down her cheek she realizes she is crying. 

BB-8 continues to bustle about the small space, for all intents and purposes taking over so she can just sit. With nothing else to do, she sinks into the pilot’s seat, drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms around them.

The next four days are a blur of light and tears. The lights of hyperspace soothe her to sleep, and once again she dreams of him. Everytime she manages to fall asleep, she dreams of him. Every time, she awakes with her heart open to receive him, but gets nothing but wretched agony in return. 

After four days of this, she thinks of disabling the ship, letting it be pulled out of hyperspace. That BB-8 is on board stops that line of thought before it gets too far. 

There is one other reason to stay alive. Ben still might come back. But if she is to live, to hold out for him, she has to pretend he doesn’t exist. It’s too painful, otherwise. How is it possible to exist if half of her is gone? If they are two that are one, how can she go on living? And is her life to always be this torment, stuck somewhere between life and death?

These questions cycle through her mind. Down the Braxant Run, through the Hydian Way, she searches for answers as the stars stream past her, and is no closer to finding them as they exit the Corellian Run. 

When the first of Tatooine’s moons comes into view, she returns his sweater to her bag, resting it on top of all her things. 

As they descend into the atmosphere, Rey looks out onto the bleak landscape as the Falcon flies onward to Luke’s old home. Sand as far as the eye can see. If not for the two suns blazing above, she’d think she’d returned to Jakku. 

The Falcon lands near a sand-colored dome, which, from her conversations with Leia, she knows marks the entrance to the Lars Homestead. She and BB-8 disembark from the ship, and she walks over, looking down into a pit which someone had carved out of the desert. There, beside her, is a large piece of scrap metal, and she rides it down into the abandoned home. 

The years of neglect are apparent in the way the sand has taken over, spilling over the entrances to the various living quarters. There are scorch marks, as from a fire, but they’ve been weathered down by the sun and time. And beneath it all, an undercurrent of restlessness that leaves Rey unsettled. Using the Force to open the doors, she walks through the empty rooms. They’ve been mostly spared from the encroaching sand, though everything is blanketed with a thin layer of dust. The rooms are in some semblance of order, as if the previous owners abruptly abandoned the place. 

She hikes back up from the pit. The lightsabers hang heavy in her bag. Have ever since she placed them there. She can’t forget their last use, the two blue beams of light raised together against a shared foe. It seems such a waste to bury them--the scavenger in her cries out against it--but Rey can’t suppress the feeling of wrongness that arises when she thinks of wielding that blade again. Not without him. There is no point to holding on to them any longer.

She lays out the square of fabric on the cracked desert floor. Carefully wraps the twin blades before tying them up. Resting her hand on them, she says goodbye and watches as the sand swallows them up. 

Pulling out her own saber, she ignites it and stares at the golden beam of light. From her studies, she knows it’s a rare color, one mostly associated with the Jedi Temple Guard. A group so steadfast they gave up their identities, covered their faces with masks, and committed themselves to life-long service to the Jedi Order. A life of absolute emotional detachment. As the last Jedi, she supposes this high calling has fallen to her. 

It’s her new sword, crafted from her staff, proof that she attained the rank of Jedi. She should feel something, some sense of elation or relief. But all she feels is a heaviness that she’s no longer sure she can bear.

“There’s been no one for so long. Who are you?”

Startled from her reverie, she notices the stooped woman and her many-eyed beast. Her skin is sunken and leathery, consistent with a life lived under a merciless sun. 

“I’m Rey.”

“Rey who?”

The wound of her heritage is thrust upon her again. She should just admit she’s a Palpatine. Not that it’s any of the woman’s business. 

Another name springs to mind, and her heart aches at the thought of it. 

Perhaps--

The fine hairs on the nape of her neck stand on end. She turns her head and finds Leia and Luke smiling benevolently at her. 

It hurts to see them, to be reminded again of all that she’s lost. Why are they here now? Why are they smiling? Where were they when she needed them? When Ben needed them? The questions lodge in her throat. She swallows them down and smiles back. 

The old woman is still waiting for an answer.

Leia and Luke’s appearance must be some kind of sign. Rey doesn’t want to think about it that much, so she doesn’t. 

“Rey Skywalker.”

Rey doesn’t wait for the lady to disappear. Just walks away, with BB-8 following. She looks off into the distance. Only now as she sees the twin suns set, she knows there are no more adventures for her. She has given everything to save the universe, and in turn it has taken everything from her. There is nothing left to give. 

It’s like being back in Jakku. No parents. No family. Just her and BB-8. Right back to where she had started from. Yet this is so much worse. There is nothing on the horizon. No promise of something ahead. No belonging to be found. Her parents are dead. Had been the entire time she’d anxiously awaited their return. Her heritage is one of fear and subjugation. Her two Masters are now one with the Force. And the love of her life is dead too, because of her. 

There is no need to hurry back. 

Rey closes herself off from the Force. 

* * *

From the outset, Rey spends her days trying to make the moisture farm habitable again. She has her work cut out for her. It’s been years she knows, courtesy of the old lady, since anyone has visited this place; and possibly decades since any maintenance work has been done. Maybe it’s the scavenger in her, but it bothers her greatly how this perfectly suitable shelter has been abandoned, forgotten. Left to be swallowed up by the sand. If only someone had taken the time and care...Well, she’s here now and has no immediate plans to leave. 

By some miracle, the place hadn’t been looted for parts. Probably because the technology, while still functional, is too outdated to be of any real value. On the first day, she and BB-8 manage to get the generator working again without too much trouble, as well as some of the vaporators. Enough so that she doesn’t have to worry should she deplete her water supply from the Falcon. The same can’t be said for her food supplies, which are starting to run low. Though with her appetite having pretty much vanished, she probably has another week before she’s forced out into civilization. 

Actually, she’ll probably need to go sooner, especially if she wants to get the rest of the vaporators up and running. The extra parts she found in the storage area will help, but they aren’t enough. Plus there’s the matter of the electrostatic repeller, which, if she wants to make any headway against the sand that’s piled up in the courtyard, and in the entrances of the rooms, she’ll need to fix. Still, she doesn’t relish visiting the spaceport she’d spotted from the Falcon on her way here. More people means more questions, and she’s still shaken by her encounter with the old woman.

As she tinkers around the homestead under the scorching twin suns, she doesn’t think about it. But when her work for the day is done, and the gritty sand has been showered from her body, she stumbles into the courtyard. Stands under the light of the moons and gazes up at the stars. 

She already regrets claiming the Skywalker name. Her relationship with its owner had been brief, and most of it not very pleasant. Much as she respects Master Luke, he had done very little to, as she’d begged, show Rey her place in all of this. Especially when she compares his actions to the owner of the name she had been unable to say. The name she actually wanted. 

“Rey Solo,” she whispers into the stillness. 

She makes her way to the sleeping loft and climbs in. She adds another mark to the pourstone wall, one for every day since Ben left her. Then she lays there for hours, staring at the ceiling.

Rey is desperate to sleep. 

She clutches the oversized black tunic tighter around herself and turns on her side. Pressing her face into the threadbare pillow, she lets out a sob. This muffles her weeping, but she can’t keep the bed from shaking slightly as her body is wracked with grief. 

A plaintive beeping sounds at her side, and then the bed moves as BB-8 bumps up against it.

Rey doesn’t turn to face the droid, just stares at the scratches she’s made in the wall. She clears her throat, attempts to sound normal. “I just have a bad cough; that’s all.”

BB-8 blares back a series of beeps in increasing speed and volume.

“Probably just the flu. It’s best if we stay here; wait until I get better. Then we’ll go back.”

BB-8 rolls away without a response.

It’s a lie. Rey has no immediate plans for returning to the Resistance. Possibly ever.

Not that she feels any better here, but at least she doesn’t have to pretend that everything is ok. Or hide what she feels for Ben Solo. 

With her index finger, she traces around the hole in his sweater, feeling it catch on the melted edges. 

Why had she fought him so much? Why had she not taken his hand? Maybe then…

She knows that this way lies madness. This is a temptation of the Dark Side, but sometimes she wonders. Maybe she could have turned him to the Light by being at his side instead of constantly warring with him. 

Time passes in a blur. The only thing that marks its passage is the progress she makes on the vaporators and the scratches she makes on the wall. Her sleep is fitful and restless. 

Eventually, she and BB-8 go through all the leftover parts. She will need to go to the outpost in the morning. But for now she hauls herself into the loft. The sun had been particularly brutal that day, and she feels sapped of energy. 

This time when she stares at the wall, sleep claims her. And her dreams are different. 

A cool breeze is carried in from the ocean, fanning the wisps of hair that have managed to escape her three buns. Twin suns shine overhead, and Rey begins to thaw. She lifts her face up to the sky and basks in the warmth. The waves crash into the rock walls below, sending up sprays of mist that settle on her skin. 

_ The belonging you seek is ahead. _

_ Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.  _

_ You’re not alone.  _

_ You’re nothing. But not to me. _

_ Join me. _

_ Please. _

_ Rey. _

She splays her fingers against the stone and opens her heart, unafraid. Allows herself to feel. The island. Life. Death and decay that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence. Balance and energy. A force that connects everything. And just like the last time she sat here, something else beneath the island speaks to her. She does not resist its call. Again, it offers her what she needs. 

She scrambles off the plinth and runs back into the temple, past the aged mosaic on the cave’s floor. The mirror cave is on the other side of the island, and there is no easy way of getting there from here. As quickly as she can, she treks across the craggy terrain, going up the steps to the Saddle and then back down them till she comes to the village of domes. From there it’s another hike along the island’s south side. She carefully picks her way through the uneven ground until she comes to a polished platform of rock, slick with ocean water. 

There is no trepidation as she jumps down to the entrance of the blowhole. Just anticipation that she will find some answers. She welcomes the dark energy that she feels vibrate off the rocks surrounding her. Dropping down, her knees sink in the vegetation that rings the entrance, and she peers down into the murky waters below. She hears a sigh, possibly just the wind echoing through the cavern below. Rey dives in.

She emerges from the water, pushing herself onto the rock shelf. Her reflection in the fractured mirror stares back at her as she walks toward it and raises her hand. The wall is cool under her fingertips, and she focuses on that sensation as she feels herself being drawn in to the other side. 

She turns away from the mirror and finds an infinite number of herself stretched out as far as the eye can see. But she knows there’s an end. She approaches the mirror again. It no longer shows her face; it’s clouded by fog. 

“Let me see him,” she begs. “Ben. Please.”

She brushes her fingertips against the wall, transmits all her hopes and fears into that terrible unknown. The fog begins to dissipate, and she can barely breathe. 

On the ground is Ben Solo. He lies so still, his eyes closed as if he’s asleep. He’s wearing all black, just like...Her fingers tighten into fists. She can’t watch him disappear again. 

Her eyes narrow; she looks closer. He is unbroken. Whole. And the ground on which he rests is not like Exegol. It’s her island. 

Rey presses her forehead against the wall, wills her body to pass through. The wall does not give. Fear threatens to overwhelm her, and she calls on the Light to bear her up.

“Be with me. Be with me. Be with me.” She closes her eyes and chants it over and over. The endless litany echoes off the cavern walls, whispered by all her other selves. Both hands braced against the mirror, she reaches for Ben, pushing her life force along the length of their bond. The air pulses around her, saturated with the energy of her thousand upon thousand selves offering up all she has to give. 

“Ben,” she whispers to him. 

His eyes open. 

Please, Maker, he has to see her. Rey claws at the wall, shouting his name. 

Ben tries to sit up, though he doesn’t turn his head in her direction. He opens his mouth as if to say something. 

“Rey.”

* * *

To Be Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Ben Solo imagines an ocean. 

Its waves dash against the shore somewhere below him, the sound like distant thunder. Carried in on their crests, barely audible over the storm, the voices call to him.

_If you see our son, bring him home._

_I miss you, son. Come home._

_My son is alive._

_It isn’t too late._

_I’ll help you._

_Be with me._

_Ben._

At the sound of the last voice, something stirs inside him. He remembers joy. One perfect moment of shared breaths, soft smiles, and open hearts. And then ... floating away.

Ben opens his eyes, expecting to see Rey’s dear face leaning over him, backlit by bands of lightning. Instead a full moon spills its light into a nearly cloudless sky, shading everything with its silvery glow. 

A flash of white billows at the corner of his vision just as he senses her.

“Mom?”

He tries to sit up, but Leia rushes to his side and drops to her knees, heedless of the pristine fabric now pooling in the soil and grit around them. With an ease that should be impossible, she lifts his head into her lap and gazes down. Her lips tremble, and she presses them together until she can no longer contain her smile. 

“Ben. You came back.”

It’s been so long since he’s seen her. The moonlight is kind, but it can’t hide the wrinkles or the streaks of gray that now weave through her familiar coronet of braids. 

His brow furrows. Leia is solid and clear; there is no blue shimmer of a Force Spirit. 

“But I felt it.”

“I did leave, yes.” More quietly, she adds, “So did you.”

The mystery of her appearance is too much for him to puzzle out, especially when his mind keeps coming back to the same thing. “Where’s Rey?”

“On Tatooine.”

His shoulders slump as he relaxes into Leia’s hold. Rey’s alive. 

Then Leia’s words sink in. 

He’s dead. 

The rest barrels back into his consciousness. 

Ben remembers time pressing in on him as he’d cradled Rey’s lifeless body to his. There had been no deliberation. Only the desperate belief that he had to bring her back, whatever the cost. 

Slightly removed, he can see it was the right choice. Even if he could atone for all the wrong he’s caused (impossible, he knows), his contributions to the healing of the galaxy pale in comparison to what Rey can offer. Further, a dead man walking would get no chance to atone. The Resistance would never allow the Supreme Leader of the First Order to live. 

And a life without Rey, well, even if they had allowed him to live, he would have been dead anyway. 

Ben Solo died so that Rey could live. This was his best ending. 

Like so many times in the past, he reaches out through their bond. What has become as easy as breathing now feels like lightning arcing across his skin, a fist striking an open wound. He pushes through the agony, desperate to sense her, to reassure himself once more with her presence. 

For the first time, he finds no one. 

Cold washes down his body, and he lurches to his feet. 

Leia rises slowly beside him and looks up at the sky. “It will start raining soon. We had better head inside.”

For the first time, Ben notices the small stone huts standing in a ring around them. Fog rolls across the ground, hiding the loose rock and uneven stone he feels underfoot as he follows Leia to one of the shelters. A coarse brown curtain serves as a door. Leia pushes it back and ushers Ben inside. He ducks to avoid hitting his head on the lintel. 

A small fire flickers in the center of the floor, illuminating the primitive wooden stools around it. Leia gestures for him to sit down, and he collapses onto the seat across from her. 

Why would Rey go to Tatooine? It was nothing but a graveyard. 

“Was she…” No. She had to be alive. “Is she alright?”

Leia gathers her hands into her lap, clasping them tightly together. “I could sense great sadness and pain. Luke and I tried speaking to her, but we only managed to appear for a brief moment.” 

She says something else, but he doesn’t hear it. An image of Rey scratching tally marks into the walls of another abandoned home, wasting away with loneliness and neglect, flashes before him. He breathes slowly out of his nose, willing the nausea away.

“Believe me. Tatooine is the last place I would ever send Rey. But she is strong.”

It’s true. He knows this more than anyone, but he’s seen the utter desolation and starvation she’d inhabited before he met her.

“She’s been alone for so long.”

“You both have.”

Ben’s throat tightens, and he sniffles. “I didn’t save her so she could go back to Jakku.”

“You love her,” Leia says.

His mom does not sound surprised by the revelation. Accepts the simple truth as willingly as he had when he’d discovered it.

Ben buries his head in his hands, stares into the fire. “I thought that just this once...But I destroy everyone I love. Dad, Luke, you. I wanted something different for Rey. I wanted her to move on and be happy.”

“Right. As if it’s just that easy to pick up the pieces after the love of your life dies.”

Ben glances up at the sharpness in Leia’s tone. He expects to see anger, resentment over what he did to Han but instead she laughs at him.

“I trained Rey in the ways of the Force for nearly a year after Crait. You think I wouldn’t notice that my apprentice’s Force signature was intertwined with yours? Or that Chewie wouldn’t tell me that she’d delivered herself like a gift to your doorstep?”

Now that he’s older, he recognizes her sarcasm as nothing more than playfulness. It’s a surprise, how easily she’s able to fall into her old ways, as if there wasn't a decade of estrangement between them. But it’s nothing compared to the shock of finding out she was Rey’s Master.

“How were you able to train her?” he asks.

_Why didn’t you train me? Why did you send me away?_

Leia’s eyes widen as if she hears his unspoken questions. “Just as I was about to complete my training with Luke, I had a vision that you would die if I finished it. So I stopped. And when it became clear you needed guidance, I assumed Luke would be better equipped. That my attachment for you would cloud my judgment.” 

“Attachment?” That’s not how he saw it. “You thought I was a monster.”

“I was scared. Not of you, but for you. And scared of myself, that I wouldn’t be enough.” She stares straight at him. “But I _never_ thought you were a monster.”

He wishes he could believe her, but he still aches from her abandonment. And she doesn’t know the full extent of what he’s done. Once she does, she’ll change her mind. 

“Did he tell you what happened?”

“Luke told me his side of the story, yes. But I’d like to hear yours.”

He’s unable to meet her eyes, but he does tell her. Waking up with Luke’s lightsaber ignited over his head, scrambling from the rubble of his hut only to find the temple being razed to the ground, the other students accusing him of destroying the temple, being forced to fight then flee to Snoke. 

“I thought Luke was dead and that I was responsible for it.”

Leia is silent, but he forges on. 

“So I killed Ben Solo. I just wanted… I thought Grandfather would help me. That I could find myself by fulfilling his legacy. The things I did for Snoke…” He tries to enumerate them, but words fail him. “How could I come back after that?”

“But you did.”

He swallows, ignoring how his throat burns. “Dad.” 

Leia reaches for his hand and squeezes it. “I know.”

She shouldn’t have to relive all his mistakes, especially this one. That’s for him to carry. He decides then to only telll her about the second meeting on the ruins of the Death Star. 

“He tried to help me. Told me how much he missed me. Wanted me to come back.” Ben jams his fists against his eyes to staunch the flow of his tears, so he’s unable to stifle the sob that escapes his mouth. 

Soft footsteps approach, and then he’s enfolded in her arms. He hides his face against her stomach as she cards her fingers through his hair. Just as she did when he was her little boy. He begins to weep. 

Ben tries to forget, but he can’t. He screws his eyes shut, but he hears his lightsaber ignite. Sees the red glow and shock on Han’s face as he’s impaled. And then, the warmth of his father’s hand against his face. 

Leia gasps, somehow reliving the moment with him. She takes a step back, and Ben hangs his head in shame.

“I killed him, and he loved me.”

“Look at me, Ben.” 

When he doesn’t lift his eyes, she tilts his head back. Gently, she cradles his cheek, resting her hand over Han’s phantom touch. 

“Of course he loves you. You’re our son.” 

He wipes the back of his hand under his nose. Taking a shuddering breath, he tries to tell her once more. “I saw Dad again. After you died, he came to me. Made me believe that I could come back.

“I should have gone with him. If only...”

It keeps him awake at night, how often he considers how different his life would be if he’d just left with his dad that first time. 

How often he thinks of what might have been.

_I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand._

But now it’s too late. 

Another wave of sorrow washes over him, and he feels as if he’ll drown in his misery. Leia’s hand moves to his back, brushing up and down his spine as she waits for his ragged breathing to return to normal. 

“We all have regrets,” she finally says as she tucks the hair that’s fallen across his brow behind his ear. “My biggest regret is failing you.” 

“You didn’t fail me. I failed you.”

“No. I did, time and again.”

He tries to protest, but she cuts him off. “I put the needs of a growing republic over those of my own son. You needed me, and I sent you away. I’m your mother. I’m supposed to protect you, and I didn’t. For that I am so, so sorry.”

His resentment of her abandonment and betrayal fueled his connection to the Dark Side. This admission of guilt should bring relief, but it only makes him angrier at himself. 

Ben jumps from his seat, sending it toppling behind him. Leia was always short, but now that he’s fully grown, he towers over her. “Did you forget how you died?! Or dad? Everyone who loves me comes to ruin!” he shouts.

She doesn’t raise her voice in return, but there’s steel in her tone. “Rey didn’t. You saved her.”

“Did I? She’s wasting away on Tatooine. Cut herself off from the Force. Almost everyone she cares about is dead. And those that are still alive, where are they?”

The more he thinks about it, the more he despairs.

“You sacrificed yourself so that Rey could live. Would you take that back?”

“Of course not. I’d do it again and again. She’s worth everything.”

“So are you! I have many regrets, but dying for you is not one of them. Don’t you get it? We all loved you and wanted something better for you, just like you want something better for Rey.” 

Ben deflates. “That’s different. Rey didn’t do anything wrong. She deserves to live.”

Leia throws her hands up in the air. “Ben Solo! Do you think I gave up my life, that your dad and Luke gave up their lives, just so that you would die right after you came back?” 

"It’s what I deserve.”

“It’s not a question of worthiness. Being deserving didn’t keep Rey from dying. You did.” 

Ben shakes his head. “Palpatine almost killed me. I lay at the bottom of a pit with a broken leg, knowing that Rey was fighting him alone. I begged for help, but no one came. If I were deserving, why didn’t the other Jedi help me? Why didn’t they appear when I was healing Rey?”

“I don’t know. But maybe one of the reasons was so you could prove to yourself that you are still capable of doing good.”

Maker, he wishes it were true, but he knows it’s not. That was the best he could do, and yet he still failed. “She’s still suffering. I gave up my life. It just wasn’t enough.”

Leia shakes him. Hard. “Stop that!”

Ben blinks up at his mom. “What?”

“So you messed up--”

“Mom, I did more than mess up.”

Leia shrugs. “True. But that doesn’t mean you’re some kind of unworthy vessel that should just be discarded once it’s fulfilled its purpose. Ben! You used the Force to bring Rey back from the dead.”

“Well, last I checked, staving off death is Sith Magic.”

“Don’t be flippant. Did resurrecting Rey feel dark to you?”

Everything had felt like darkness then. Rey was gone. The Jedi had abandoned them both. He’d clawed his way out of the pit, nearly passing out more than once from the pain in his leg. She had felt so heavy in his arms. He gathered her to him as he’d longed to do for so long, hugging her for what he thought might be the last time. She was still warm. And small; his hand almost spanning the breadth of her stomach. He quieted himself so he could feel the Force around them, reaching out along the length of their bond. As always, everything faded away but the two of them. And then light flooded him. And when Rey placed her hand over his...It felt like healing. It felt like wholeness. It felt like love. 

“No.”

“Rey’s suffering because she misses you. Not because your sacrifice was somehow tainted by your past actions.” 

“Say I accept that. What does it even matter anymore? I’m dead.”

“You need to know that you can help make things right. Just because you’ve done wrong in the past doesn’t mean you should pay for it by being miserable for the rest of your life.”

Ben sighs, rubs his face with his hands. Maybe there was still a way he could make things better. “Can you teach me to be a Force Spirit? She’s still holding on. If I could just help her to let go...”

Leia shakes her head. “You’re destined for bigger things than that.”

“To know that she’s alone...Mom, it’s tearing me apart. I need to do something.”

“I know. And you will. This is not the end of your story. Or Rey’s.”

Something catches in his chest, but he pushes down, afraid to hope. “What do you mean?” he asks, carefully pronouncing each word.

“I think you’re supposed to go back. And I’m not the only one.”

There’s a rustling in the doorway. A leather glove pushes back the screen. Luke stands in the threshold, dripping water all over the stone floor. 

“Mind if I join you?” 

* * *

To Be Continued

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

“Rey.”

A hand at her shoulder shakes her gently. 

Rey may have cut herself off from the Force, but she is still a scavenger of Jakku and as such she still keeps her weapon at the ready. Grabbing her sword from beside her, she turns over and springs from the bed. With a turn of the dial, the lightsaber ignites. 

She advances on the intruder, bathing his face in the yellow glow of her blade. Teeth bared, she growls, “Why did you--” she bites back her question and a few unsavory words.

Finn stumbles backward, falling to the ground. He raises his hands over his head as he scurries back across the floor. “Whoa! Rey! It’s me.”

She stands there for a moment, breathing deeply in an effort to calm herself, control her anger. Then she thumbs off the lightsaber. “Obviously. But why are you here?”

“OK. Not the greeting I was expecting.”

Rey says nothing, still furious with Finn for waking her just as Ben was about to speak.

Finn pushes himself to his feet and walks slowly towards her, as if she’s a feral tooka-cat. “Look, I know we said we’d give you some time to honor Luke and Leia…” he trails off, eyes narrowing as he looks her over. Under normal circumstances, Rey would probably be self-conscious. She’s neglected herself, and badly.

But these aren’t normal circumstances, and the only thing she’s conscious of is Ben. 

It’s insane, she tells herself. There is no possible way. It was only Finn who said her name. 

Right? 

But she saw Ben’s eyes open. Saw him move from the ground. Much as she tries to tell herself it was only a dream, she can’t dismiss it. How many years had she dreamt of Ahch-To, taken comfort in her vision of the watery oasis whilst she withered away in an overturned AT-AT walker in the middle of the Goazon Badlands? The biggest body of water she’d ever seen in her life was the happabore trough at Niima Outpost,  _ yet _ Ahch-To existed. And now Ben is on her island, surrounded by her ocean. Who is to say that this dream can’t be reality too? 

Frantically, she reconnects to the Force, tears down the wall she built around their bond. She stares into the emptiness, into the face of her abandonment. It is agony, but just as the darkness threatens to overwhelm her, she sees it. So dim, but it’s there. A small ember of warmth flickers in the void and is not extinguished.

She clings to it. It’s her only hope.

Rey strides past Finn, snatching her staff before she descends the staircase to the courtyard. “I have to go back,” she says.

She hears him follow after her, feels him right on her heels. “Yeah, that’s why we came.”

“We?” 

“Chewie and Rose.”

Rey emerges into the courtyard and immediately squints against the brightness of the suns. Her vision goes dark, then fuzzy.

Finn catches her at the elbow. “You don’t look so good.”

She shrugs out of his hold, stumbling in the direction of the door to the entrance dome’s passageway. “I’ll be fine.”

The door sticks right as it starts to slide open--something she had been meaning to fix. She draws her lightsaber to slice it to pieces when Finn bangs on it with his fist and it retracts the rest of the way. She begins the climb to the dome, but the stairs sway beneath her feet, and she catches herself against the wall. 

“Seriously, Rey, what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I just forgot to eat.”

“For the last three days? Did you run out of rations?”

Rey shrugs. “I was meaning to check that.”

Finn shakes his head. “Come on. We brought supplies with us.”

They emerge once again into the open air, and not for the first time Rey wishes she’d kept her scavenger’s mask. Without the surrounding walls of the homestead, the suns’ light reflects off the sand in a way that’s positively blinding. She can barely make out the silhouette of the  _ Falcon _ in the distance. A second ship is next to it. 

The sand shifts beneath her boots as she trudges to her ship. It has been days since Rey left the homestead, and her calves burn from the simple effort of walking. 

Finn slows his steps, pausing now and again for her to catch up.

It’s not Finn’s fault he’s a fast walker. She knows this; really, she does. But he highlights how slow she is, how weak she’s become. Worst of all, it underscores how much time she’s wasting while Ben is out there, possibly in pain, wondering where she is. Waiting for her. 

“I didn’t ask for you to come here,” she snaps. 

“BB-8 did. And I’m glad he did. You ran away, haven’t contacted us, and I find you here at death’s door. What’s going on, Rey?”

She leans more heavily into her staff as she nears the  _ Falcon _ . “I’ve been busy.”

“Well, you need to take better care of yourself.”

That’s all she’s done her entire life. And maybe she’s being selfish--after all, she’s not the only one hurting--but just once she wishes someone would take care of her. 

The ramp to the  _ Falcon _ is already lowered, and she tramps up it, shaking the sand from her boots, but unable to shake the sadness of her thoughts.

She enters the main hold and finds Chewie and Rose sitting around the dejarik table, though it’s not turned on. They stop talking when they see her and stand to their feet. 

Rose stays back, which isn’t unexpected. They barely know each other. Rey had seen her around the resistance base every now and then, but her training with Leia kept her isolated. She knows Rose is a mechanic, a very good one, actually. Also, something happened between her and Finn while Rey was in Ahch-To, though what exactly happened is unknown to her. Finn hasn’t been very forthcoming about his romantic relationships. To be fair, neither has Rey. 

Chewie, on the other hand, stalks over to her and bellows some choice words about her impromptu absence. Rey stares at her feet, feeling her body tense. “I know. I should have said good-bye. I’m sorry.”

Without warning, he lifts her off her feet and envelops her in his arms. Her face is buried in his fur, and it’s like being wrapped in a warm blanket. The sound of his heartbeat steadies her, and the longer he holds her, the more she begins to thaw. Tears begin to prickle at her eyes, and she lets out a small sniffle. 

Chewie gently sets her down, holding her far enough away to look at her. An enormous paw moves to her shoulder, pinches the material there to inspect it closer. Rey freezes; she’s still wearing Ben’s sweater. She braces herself for anger and disappointment. Or worse, that Chewie will destroy it with his claws. It’s the only thing she has left of Ben. 

She holds herself stone still as Chewie gives the sweater a sniff. His shoulders sag, and he lets out a mournful howl.

“And that’s another thing, what are you wearing? Ow! Why’d you pinch me?”

Rey turns to see Finn shoot Rose a betrayed look, while Rose looks like she’s about to whisper a sharp scolding. She snaps her mouth closed when she notices Rey’s eyes on her.

Rey plans to leave and has no idea when she’ll return. Much as she’s worried Finn will not understand, she owes it to him to at least try to explain before she disappears. And she owes it to Ben. Others should know that he turned to the light, raised Rey from the dead.

“It’s Ben’s sweater.”

“Who?”

“Ben Solo.”

Finn still looks confused. 

Before he can ask any other questions that will complicate this already difficult task, Rey holds up her hand. “Kylo Ren.”

Rose lets out a gasp, and Finn’s jaw drops open.

With a sigh, Rey sinks down onto the bench, utterly exhausted. She suspects Chewie, and she’s pretty sure Leia, had some insight into the complicated relationship she had with Ben. But this is the first time she’s admitted it to anyone. And it’s not a relief to unburden herself of this secret. No, it feels like she’s being forced into giving up the location of her stockpile of valuable parts. There is nothing she treasures more than what she shared with Ben. Will they see it the same way? Or will they pick her apart? 

Rey toys with the hem of Ben’s sweater as she struggles for the right words. They don’t come. But her need to leave, to find Ben is like an itch under the skin, growing worse and worse with each passing second. There can be no more delays. 

“Ben and I are connected by the Force,” she blurts out.

Chewie and Finn sit down beside her, though Rose hangs back, leaning against the nearest wall.

“We started appearing to each other while I was on Ahch-To, and before I returned to the Resistance I left Luke to go to him. I was there when he killed Snoke. Actually, he killed Snoke to save me.”

“Why are we just finding out about this now?” Finn shouts as he leaps out of his seat. He glances back and forth between Chewie and Rose. “And why am I the only one freaking out here?”

Chewie offers a series of growls and snuffles.

“He already knew?!”

Chewie shrugs as Finn blinks back his surprise.

“Not everything, but he’s the one that took me to Ben.”

Finn’s head is in his hands, and he rubs his temples. “Wow. I mean, I thought you hated each other.”

Rey bites her bottom lip, and her eyes burn with unshed tears. She shakes her head. 

“But I saw you stab him and take his ship.”

Rey’s chest hurts at the remembrance. The very thought of hurting Ben seems unconscionable. And she can feel nothing but bitter regret at the wasted opportunities and wilful misunderstandings. 

“I can’t explain why I did that. There was so much...anger between us. After he killed Snoke, he asked me to stay, to rule with him. But I left him.” She doesn’t say how she regrets it, even though she’s told herself over and over it had been for the best. 

“As you should have!” Finn says. “He wanted to destroy the Resistance.”

She doesn’t deny it. 

“On Exegol, when the Resistance was almost defeated, Palpatine offered to stop the fighting if I just killed him. In return, I would be possessed by him and all the Sith. I didn’t know what else to do, so I agreed. And just as I was going to strike him down, Ben came. I don’t know how, but he came for me at Exegol.”

“You lied to us. You told us that the last time you saw Kylo Ren was on Kef Bir.”

Rey’s vision begins to blur, and she rubs her eyes like a sleepy child. “I died fighting Palpatine, but Ben saved me. He brought me back by giving me his life. I--” Rey’s voice cracks. “I didn’t tell you before, because I didn’t want to believe he was dead.”

Her shoulders start to shake, and she clamps her hands together, trying to still the tremors moving up and down her arms. But when Chewie wraps a furry arm around her, she can’t contain it any longer. She bursts into tears. 

Her sobs echo off the durasteel walls, and Chewie grips her tighter to himself. She buries her face in his fur, trying to muffle her tears. He strokes her hair, tells her he misses Ben too. She listens to the steady beat of his heart. Takes comfort in the vibrations in his chest as he speaks of what a kind and loving little boy Ben was; that he’s not surprised Ben would be willing to die for her. She cries harder. 

It’s then that she feels it, and stronger than before. In the gloom of her heart, the small spark of light and hope pulses, dispelling some of the darkness. 

_ I know. I’m coming for you. Please hold on.  _

Eventually her tears subside, and Rey pulls away. Her eyes hurt and she can’t breathe through her nose. Rose has since joined them at the table, and she pushes a container of cold water and a small stack of tissues her way. 

“Thank you,” Rey says in a stuffy voice. 

Rose turns red and stares down at the table as Rey reaches for the glass and gulps the water down, soothing her parched throat. By the time she’s done blowing her nose, she’s gone through all the tissues.

Finn leans forward, a pained look on his face. “I’m sorry that this is so upsetting for you. But you shouldn’t feel guilty that you’re here and he’s not. He did a lot of bad things, and honestly, he got what he deserves.”

Chewie stiffens beside her and growls under his breath. Rey feels herself go cold all over. “Palpatine tormented Ben since he was a little boy. And just when Ben managed to break free from that darkness, he died to save me. Ben deserves to live. He deserves a chance to be happy.”

“Even if all that Palpatine stuff were true--”

“It is true!”

“It doesn’t change that Kylo Ren killed people.”

“So has Poe. So have you. So have I.”

“That’s different.”

“How?” Rey waves her hands abruptly, cutting off whatever answer Finn was going to give. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not trying to justify his actions. I know he’s done bad things, evil things, but he’s changed. He should be given the chance to experience a life without darkness.”

Finn shakes his head. “I know you feel some kind of survivor’s guilt, or weird, misplaced gratitude because he saved you. But you saw what he did to Han. You know what he did to Poe. He almost cut me in half. This wasn’t a good man. We’re talking about Darth Vader’s grandson. He was doomed from the start.”

“He was also Han and Leia’s son, and Luke’s nephew.”

“Rey, I know you want to defend him, but--”

“Did you know that I’m Palpatine’s granddaughter?” Rey interrupts.

From the look on his face, Finn did not know. “Again, that’s different.”

“How?”

“You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Rey laughed. “Of course I have. We all have.”

Finn raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing her.

“Did you know that Han and Leia gave up on him when he hadn’t even done anything wrong? They turned him over to Luke when he was just a little boy. And then Luke, his own uncle, tried to kill him, practically shoving him into the arms of the Dark Side?”

“Rey--”

“I’m not done. I nearly murdered Luke when I found out he tried to kill Ben. And I’ve slashed Ben’s face open, abandoned him on the  _ Supremacy _ after he killed Snoke for me, stabbed him in the heart, and stolen his life,” she presses further, ready to expose everyone. “Yes, Ben messed up, but he isn’t the only one at fault.” 

“What does any of this matter? He’s dead.”

Rey blinks and draws back at the cruel reminder. But then her lip curls. She learns forward and through bared teeth she snarls, “It matters because Ben matters.”

Finn’s eyes soften, and his voice is gentler when he says, “I...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s not coming back.” 

Now’s the time. Rey opens her mouth to reveal that, yes, Ben will be back, and she’ll be the one to get him. 

“They were in love with each other,” Rose says, her voice uncomprehending.

Rey’s blood roars through her ears. In its wake, there is the relative silence of the  _ Falcon _ ’s C-8 life support system as it cycles out the toxic gases to provide them breathable air. And just above its low hum are the labored breaths of a heartsick and trembling Rey.

Her eyes dart to Rose, terrified of what she’ll find. But there’s no judgment. She is kinder to Rey than Rey ever was to herself when faced with the same revelation. And Rey’s had a lot more time to adjust. 

Chewie rumbles in Shyriiwook and pats her head, and Rey blushes at apparently how obvious her feelings for Ben are to everyone there. Well, everyone but Finn. He just stares at her like her arms have transformed into rathtar tentacles. 

After BB-8, he’s her oldest friend. She can’t look at Finn when he begins to speak. 

“You’ve been under a ton of stress. But you need to come back home. You aren’t the only one who’s hurting. I think if you could just see that other people are grieving, maybe talk with them, it will help heal you,” he says in even, kind tones.

Rey shakes her head. “I can’t.”

“Why not? Clearly you aren’t getting better by staying here. You should be with people who are going through the same things you are. Maybe then you won’t feel so isolated. It might not seem like it now, but it’s true. You’re not alone.”

Hearing those words--Ben’s words--falling from the wrong lips, uttered in an unfamiliar cadence repels Rey. It’s as if ice water runs through her veins. She withdraws instantly, seeking the soft firelight of a stone hut, the heat of Ben’s hand reaching for hers. 

“I’ve been alone my entire life.”

Finn breathes loudly out through his nose. “What about the Resistance? I thought we were your friends. Your family.” 

“You are...But Ben, he’s...he’s my other half. I’m sorry that other people are hurting, but being around them isn’t going to make me feel better. I’m not going to heal without him. I can’t. Now that he’s gone...He and I were meant to be together. And now it’s like there’s this gaping hole inside my chest. My whole life...I know how to deal with pain, but this, it’s unbearable.” Her voice grows smaller and smaller, and by the end it’s barely a whisper. 

Rey braces herself for Finn’s reaction, but when she looks up, his eyes are full of pity. He reaches for her hand and gently grips her fingers. 

“Rey...I’m so sorry that you’re hurting,” he says quietly. “But Ben’s gone.” 

Rey pulls her hand back, furiously shakes her head. “He’s not. He’s alive. I felt him.”

She expects Finn to argue with her, but instead he blinks back tears. “You can’t possibly…” He pushes away from the table, shooting up to his feet. “I need to get out of here. Clear my head.” Without a backward glance, Finn storms out of the hold. 

Rey’s cheeks burn. She shrinks further into the seat, wishing she could disappear. Does everyone think she’s crazy? Is she? Is this just another lie like all the others she’s told herself through the years to survive the abject misery that’s been her existence? Instinctively, she begins to turn inwards, desperate to make sure that tiny spark still exists.

“I’m sorry. I probably should have, um, left while you were talking.”

Rey blinks, distracted. She offers Rose a weak smile, uncertain of what to say. 

“Do you really think he’s alive?”

When Rey closes her eyes, she immediately feels it. The small, pulsing light burns brightly in the darkness and a wave of relief rushes over her.

“Yes.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I know it sounds crazy, but I have to find him.”

“It’s  _ not _ crazy. OK, maybe it’s a little crazy. But I get it, I think. Not the part about falling in love with the...Kylo, er...Ben.”

Rey stares at Rose, not sure where this is heading. 

“Talking is not my, uh, strength. Clearly.”

“If it makes you feel better, it’s not mine either.”

“I mean…” Rose pulls distractedly at something around her neck. As she fidgets with it, the light reflects off what looks to be a half-circle pendant, which dangles from the necklace. “You truly believe he’s changed, right?”

Rey nods her head decisively. “The longer I knew him, the stronger our connection became. I saw that Kylo Ren was just a mask. A prison, really. And just when Ben broke free from it…” she trails off, losing her voice again to the ache in her throat.

“And you think you can save him?”

“I have to. I know he did bad things, but--”

Rose shakes her head. “You don’t have to explain. I get it.”

And from the look in Rose’s eyes, Rey can tell that she somehow does. 

“Thank you. For believing me.”

“So, where is he? Back on Exegol?”

Rey blushes, once again feeling ridiculous and unprepared. “I don’t know. He just disappeared before my eyes. But I had a dream he was on Ahch-To, so that’s where I’m going.”

“Could you use a co-pilot?”

At this Chewie grunts and bangs a fist on the table. 

Rose raises her hands. “Sorry. I didn’t realize there was competition. How about a mechanic?”

Rey’s eyes widen. “You both want to come with me?”

“My sister and I always talked about seeing more of the galaxy when things settled down. Now seems as good a time as any.”

Rey’s stomach falls. “I don’t think I have time to double back to Ajan Kloss, and I can’t promise you more than Ahch-To.”

Rose offers her an uneasy smile. “Ahch-To is fine. And it would just be me.”

“Oh, I thought--”

Chewie interrupts Rey, and what he says makes her forget what she was going to ask. “Yes, I think Han and Leia would like that very much,” Rey says as she tries to dab discreetly at her eyes. 

“How soon do you want to leave?” Rose asks.

“Today. The sooner the better.”

“OK. I’ll restock with supplies from our ship. Chewie, can you make sure the  _ Falcon _ is ready?”

He waves his paw as if to say it’s already taken care of.

“I guess I should go talk to Finn and let him know.” 

Rose throws a nutrition bar at her, which Rey catches one-handed. “Good luck with that. We’ll join as soon as we can.”

Rey tears open the bar’s packaging as she exits the hold, suddenly ravenous. She has just shoved the last bite into her mouth when she finds Finn sitting in the middle of the boarding ramp. His back is to her as he sits in the shade of the  _ Falcon. _

She stops beside him, watches as he stares out into the desert. The heat distorts the air around them, making the dunes seem unreal and insubstantial. 

“I may have found some information about my parents.”

Expecting to argue again about Ben, Rey tries to enjoy this spot of good news. She settles down beside him. “Oh. How’d you manage that?”

“When the First Order fell, we were able to access all kinds of information about the Stormtrooper program. Our real names. Our families. Where we’re from.”

“And what’s your name?”

He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. My name is Finn.”

“Aren’t you curious?”

“I’ll look into it. Eventually. Maybe.”

“What about your parents?”

He shrugs, but she can feel an underlying sense of unease emanating from him. “Haven’t looked into that either.”

“Why not?”

Finn kicks at the sand at his feet, digging the toe of his boot into the sand. “Afraid, I guess. They might not even be alive anymore. Or maybe they are and they gave me away?” 

“Or maybe they fought tooth and nail to keep you, and are wondering where their son is.”

Finn screws up his face, presumably squinting into the distance, but she can feel the hope and then the immediate effort to tamp it down. She reaches out, touches his shoulder. “Whatever happens…” she trails off, not able to offer the words of assurance she had intended to.

“What?”

“I wanted to tell you it will be alright, but I don’t actually know that.”

Finn laughs. “For two people on the winning side, we sure aren’t acting like it.” 

Rey shrugs. “I found out the truth about my parents.”

“Not good news?”

“I guess that depends on if you think selling me to Unkar Plutt to protect me is good or bad news” 

“Ah.”

“I thought I was ok with it, but the more I think about it, the angrier I get. I held out hope for so long that they loved me…”

Finn nudges her with his shoulder. “Hey. Maybe that was the best they could do. Doesn’t mean they loved you less.”

“Maybe.” But she thinks of Ben, and how he sliced Snoke in half for hurting her. And faced down Palpatine even as the emperor offered him everything he could ever want. Ben didn’t leave her protection to anyone but himself. 

“Rey, this might not be what you want to hear, but I’m not letting you stay here. It’s not healthy to be alone like this.”

“Actually, I’m not staying here. I’m going to Ahch-To. Chewie and Rose have offered to go with me.”

Finn’s brow furrows, and she knows it’s not the answer he wants to hear. “And what’s in Ahch-To?” he asks slowly.

“Hopefully, Ben.”

Finn lets out a sigh. “Seriously, Rey, even if it were possible to bring him back from the dead--”

“I’m living proof that it’s possible.”

“Fine. So you raise him from the dead. Then what? The Resistance won’t let him live.”

Rey nearly laughs. “Do you think I’d let the Resistance touch him? If I thought for even one second that Ben was in danger, we’d run away.”

“Just like that? Even though there’s all this work that needs to be done.” 

“My place isn’t with the Resistance. Not anymore.”

“How can you say that?”

“Easily. I’ve died for the Resistance. I think I’ve done more than my part. It’s time for something else.” 

“And what kind of life do you expect to have, living on the run?”

“Start a new Jedi order. Heal the galaxy. Just be happy together. Take your pick.”

Finn sits back, wringing his hands. “I don’t get it. I’m trying to understand.  _ Please,  _ help me understand. We spent the last year fighting him, and now that we’ve defeated him, you want to bring him back. It doesn’t make sense.”

“First, we didn’t defeat him. He gave up his life for me. And second, I wasn’t fighting him.” 

“Nice try. I saw you two on Kef Bir.”

“I was angry that he chose the First Order over me, but I’ve always wanted to bring Ben back. To save him from having to be Kylo Ren. And it wasn’t just me. Han, Luke, Leia, all of us were fighting for him. All of us wanted him back.”

Finn looks like he’s swallowed something unpleasant, but eventually says, “So that’s how we’re gonna win.”

“What?”

“Just something Rose said to me a while back.” 

“Oh. Rose seems like a nice girl,” Rey says. 

“She is.”

Rey waits for him to say more, but he continues to stare off into the distance. She doesn’t want to be nosey, so she decides not to push further. Besides, there are other things weighing on her mind.

Rey scrunches up her nose, pretends that Finn’s answer to her next question isn’t monumentally important. “You believe me, right? This  _ is _ different from me waiting around for my dead parents, isn’t it?” 

Finn turns towards her and studies her face. They typically do things side-by-side, and she feels unnerved by the intense scrutiny. 

“What are you doing?” she says, resisting the urge to wipe at her face.

His brow furrows as he focuses on her eyes. She feels something light and airy brush up against her consciousness, and then it disappears. 

“What did you just do?!”

His mouth curves up on the side. “It’s that thing I’ve been meaning to tell you. I have this intuition, I guess. It’s all pretty vague, not like you or your boyfriend, but there’s things that I’ve felt.”

Rey chooses to ignore his comment about Ben. “And what do you feel?”

“I believe you.” Then his face breaks into a wide smile, “I just think you’re crazy.”

“Well, thanks!” 

Then what he says really sinks in. “You’re Force sensitive. That’s wonderful!” she says, hitting him on the arm in her excitement. “You should come with me. Once I find Ben, we can train you.”

“Having Darth Darkness as my Jedi Master? Tempting, but I’ll pass,” he says as he rubs his arm.

Rey’s shoulders droop. “So this is goodbye?”

“Just for now. Poe’s waiting in Coruscant, and once we get there Jannah and I will start working on a Stormtrooper Rehabilitation project. Try to reunite them with their families, or get them established with jobs. What about you? Will you come back once you find him?”

He must sense her reluctance. “I’m sorry I didn’t handle the news very well.”

“It’s not that. I just, I can’t lose him again. And the more people who know, the more danger he’ll be in. We might have to stay low for a while.”

“Just don’t go into exile in the unknown regions without me getting to talk with him first. Someone has to make sure this guy is going to treat you right.”

“I’m pretty sure I can do that myself.”

“Probably. But try not to disappear. Or if you have to go, keep me posted. I may not be your Force boyfriend, but you are my family.”

She feels tears forming in her eyes again. “You’re my family too. And he’s not my boyfriend.” 

“Not yet at least.”

She’s spent her whole life living in hope, but the back-to-back blows of her parents’ abandonment and Ben’s death have broken her in a way that years of loneliness in the desert could not. It’s superstitious, but she’d rather not talk about it. So instead she says, “I need to find him first. The rest will sort itself out later.”

“One last thing.”

“Hmmm?”

“You said he died bringing you back to life. What’s to keep you from doing the same?”

“He’s already alive. I just need to find him.” 

He doesn’t seem convinced. “Why did he die when he brought you back?”

“I don’t know. Palpatine called us a dyad in the Force, two that are one. That our bond has a power with life itself. That’s why he could save me, but something must have gone wrong. I remember reading a little about it in one of the Jedi texts, but at the time I didn’t know it was referring to the kind of connection we shared, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.”

“So basically, you’re married in the Force?”

“That’s all you heard?”

“I’m just kidding.” Finn stands to his feet, offering Rey a hand up. She grabs it, and he pulls her into a hug. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Me too.”

“Promise me you won’t die.”

“I’m not going to die.”

As they step apart from each other, BB-8 rolls over and stops at their feet.

“Where have you been?” Rey asks.

“He’s been charging on my ship. I need to talk with Chewie and Rose before BB and I head out. Make sure they keep an eye on your Force husband.”

“Oh, go on.”

Once Finn’s aboard the  _ Falcon _ , BB-8 rolls closer to her. Rey bends down and fidgets with his antenna, though there’s nothing actually wrong with it. He beeps at her and nudges against her leg. 

“I’m sorry I scared you. But I promise I’ll get better. Thank you for being here for me.”

The droid starts rolling up the ramp, but pauses when Rey doesn’t follow.

She pats him on the head. “I’ll be there in a second. I just need to check on something.”

Rey runs back to the homestead. She goes from room to room, making sure she hasn’t forgotten anything. As she enters the sleeping loft she’d made her temporary resting place, she stops short at the sight of her scratches on the wall. Chills move down her arms in spite of the heat from the suns. She turns away, desperate to leave this sorry place. 

Before she ascends into the dome, she makes one last stop at the vaporators. They’ve collected a few inches of water, since the last time she’s checked. She refills her canteen and then shuts them off. 

After she exits the dome, she moves to the edge of the pit, taking one last look at the Lars homestead. She kneels on the ground, collecting the last of her belongings.

As she turns back to the  _ Falcon _ , she sees the old woman from her first day on Tatooine. Once again, she’s leading her many-eyed creature on its harness.

“Leaving so soon?”

“Yeah. This isn’t my home. I was just passing through.”

“Well, goodbye, Rey Skywalker.”

“Goodbye.”

Rey continues on without a backward glance, rushing back to the  _ Falcon _ . Without her even needing to seek it out, she feels the spark. Its light warms her from the inside out, leeching the last of her coldness away. There’s still sadness and pain, but underneath it all, she senses peace and purpose. 

“I’m coming, Ben.”

* * *

To Be Continued

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please review. Next chapter, Ben's POV.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a little away from me, but here are 8,000 words of Ben Solo to hopefully brighten your day. Thank you for reading.

“When I said I’d see you around,” Luke says as he steps into the stone hut, “I didn’t think it would be under these circumstances.” 

Ben narrows his eyes. The last time he’d seen him, Luke had been on the end of his lightsaber.  _ That  _ Luke had been merely a Force projection, and a much younger looking version than the bedraggled old man currently dripping water all over the floor.

Ben may have turned from the dark side, but he is nowhere close to forgiving Luke. He can’t even think clearly around him; not when for years bitterness and rage have attended the very thought of him. 

“I’m sure you didn’t. Why don’t you come back when I’m sleeping?”

Luke looks over at Leia, clearly exasperated. Ben pretends not to notice this exchange. He clenches his jaw, braces himself for when his mother sides with her twin. Tells him to calm down and be reasonable.

Leia sits down on the stool and folds her arms across her chest, glaring back at Luke. “It’s a fair question.”

Her response surprises Ben, but he maintains his unaffected facade. 

Luke holds up his hands as if in surrender. “I deserve that. I only meant that this is a familiar sight. When I walked in on you and Rey, you were in one of these huts. It was pouring rain, and there was a fire burning.”

It takes all of his self-control, but Ben resists the urge to look around the shelter. As with all their appearances to each other through the Force, he never saw Rey’s surroundings. Just her. Did that mean he was on Ahch-To? 

“I meant it when I said I failed you. I will always be sorry for what I did to you,” Luke says. 

The reminder of their encounter on Crait is like salt in a wound that hasn’t scabbed over. It had been years since he’d seen his so-called uncle, but Kylo hadn’t forgotten how hard he’d worked to please him, to be a great Jedi Master like Luke. Under the delusion that maybe then his parents would take him back. But of course he hadn’t been good enough. No, he was so evil his own uncle would have murdered him without a second thought. 

Standing face to face with the hero of the galaxy, knowing that he had been the one to finally push him into the waiting arms of Snoke, all Kylo could think of was vengeance. And his rage only grew fiercer as Luke refused to fight back. Had the gall to apologize to him, to speak to him about Rey. And when he mentioned his father, Kylo saw red. 

The next thing he remembered, his lightsaber was buried in Luke’s heart. It took awhile for it to sink in, that Luke wasn’t really there, but when it did the implications hit him full force. Why?! Why would he project himself across the galaxy, knowing he would die? And then Kylo realized, it was another sacrifice. Just like his father’s.

After, he had waited with dread for Luke to appear, to haunt him as his father had. The intervening year had brought him no closer to a suitable response. 

“And if it makes you feel any better, I regret reacting the way I did that night with you and Rey. I regret a lot of things.”

“Join the club,” Leia mutters. 

Logically, Ben knows it’s not entirely Luke’s fault that his life ended up the way it did, any more than Han or Leia are completely responsible for him going to Snoke. But he’s spent nights wondering how things would have been different if his parents hadn’t sent him away. Or if his uncle had tried talking to him instead of murdering him. It’s such a snarled web of guilt, responsibility, and regret, and he doesn’t know how to even begin untangling it. Every time he acts, it blows up spectacularly in his face. So he says nothing. 

Luke draws near the fire and slumps down onto one of the stools. He stretches out his hand, warming it near the flames. “When I walked in on you two, I thought you were trying to corrupt her, to turn her to the dark side.”

Something possessive and black simmers inside of Ben at the very mention of that moment. His fingers flex, tingling at the tips. That moment was his and Rey’s. Not Luke’s. And it was beautiful. To hear it discussed, even denigrated, by Luke, sets Ben’s teeth on edge. 

Leia clears her throat. “I hate to interrupt, but could you clarify what you mean by ’walked in on?’”

“Care to explain, Ben?”

He does not.

Luke sighs, rubs his hand against his right eye. “I exiled myself on Ahch-To and closed myself off from the Force because I wanted this cycle of Jedi and Sith to finally end. To have Rey show up here, it was like Ben all over again. I had messed up so badly before, I knew I wasn’t up to the task of teaching her. But then I felt you call to me, Leia. I raced to the hut to tell Rey I would come back, and I found them together.”

His mother’s eyebrows shoot up. “And by together, you mean?”

Luke waves his hand in her direction, dismissively. “Calm down. They were just holding hands across the fire. I thought it was something else.”

Leia turns to Ben. “What exactly was it?” 

Ben has always been good with words, but he struggles to describe what he shared with Rey. From that first instant, when he saw her against the backdrop of Takodana’s forests, there was something about her, indescribable and unknown but palpable to him in the Force. And yet, she felt hauntingly familiar. Like she had always been in the background of his life and was just now making him aware of how important, how essential she was to his story. Deep inside his bones, in the marrow of his soul something had been rewritten, intertwining his life with hers. 

He knows now that it was their dyad, their connection in the Force. But back then he couldn’t explain the anguished desire he had for her to see him. How else to explain why he would take off his mask for her? Or his gentle approach in interrogating her? His offer to teach her? His desperate need for her to know what truly happened that night at the Jedi Temple? 

Something in her called to him, to the long-dead Ben Solo. And when Rey had sought him out at her lowest, freely shared with him her deepest fears and feelings--that which he’d once had to steal from her mind--it was this broken man who had reassured her she wasn’t alone. It had hurt to see her in so much pain, and yet, it had been like looking into a mirror. Ben had been so lonely for so long, wanted to belong to someone, to be important to someone else. He had tried to suffocate that need, bury it behind his mask and the layers of clothing, the trappings and name of Kylo Ren.

Even though Rey had experienced the same heartaches and rejections, she remained good. And even though she knew the kind of man he was, she extended her hand to him anyway. It was a terrible risk for her, to be vulnerable with anyone again, but especially with someone like him. Vulnerable and scared, she reached for him. Ben took off his glove, allowed himself to be those things too.

And for that brief moment in time when their hands and souls brushed against each other... What exactly was it? It was  _ everything _ .

Ben works his jaw, unable to speak though his heart is full to bursting. He doesn’t want to talk about this with his uncle. He’s not even sure he could share this with his mom. It was something that belonged solely to him and Rey. 

He feels Leia’s gaze on him, and he lifts his head. Her eyes soften, and he knows she understands. 

Unsurprisingly, Luke misses the exchange. “Whatever it was that I interrupted, it made Rey mad enough to attack me afterward.”

Ben’s mouth twitches. “Maybe she just doesn’t like you.”

“Of that I have no doubt.”

“What happened?” Leia asks in a raised voice, leaning forward. 

“After she accused me of trying to murder Ben, nearly bludgeoned me with her staff, and tried to slice me down with her lightsaber? I told her what happened, why it wasn’t a good idea to go to--” Luke pauses, his gaze darting over to him, “Uh, to leave, but she was dead set on it. She swore that you were still conflicted, and that if she went to you, you’d turn. She asked me to come back with her again, but I was too shaken from what I’d just seen. Then she said you were the Resistance’s last hope and left.”

The very idea that he was anyone’s hope...Ben’s reaction is instant, visceral. His heart leaps at Rey’s faith in him. A twin instinct arises simultaneously, to stamp out the feeling, any feeling at all that brings light into his life. But he rejects it, allows himself to bask in the knowledge that Rey thought of him in that way. Allows himself to be happy.

“Whatever she saw must have been pretty convincing for her to send herself to you on Snoke’s ship,” Leia says. 

“She told me she saw his future,” Luke says.

He can hear it in their voices, how foolish they think her actions. And to an outsider, it would seem crazy. He had seen a vision too, but Ben remembers feeling utterly unmoored at the sight of her looking up at him from the escape pod from his dad’s ship. Bright, hazel eyes wide with expectation, then concern, as he gave the order to have her handcuffed. The same beautiful eyes beseeching him to accept her help, even as he handed her over to Snoke. She’d defied her master and then his, refused to let go of the belief that Ben Solo would turn even as she was mocked and tortured. Her tenacity emboldened him to do the impossible. His love demands that he defend her. 

“She was right. I killed Snoke for her, but I’m sure she already told you that.”

The corner of Leia’s mouth lifts. “Yes, but I see now that there was a lot she didn’t.”

Curiosity to know just what Rey shared about him with his mom nearly overwhelms him. 

“Can’t imagine why,” Luke says before Ben can voice his question. “A Jedi acolyte catapulting herself into the arms of the dark side for a pair of pretty eyes that just so happen to belong to the son of her Jedi master. Nothing wrong with that.”

“You’re right. There’s  _ absolutely _ nothing wrong with that.”

Ben blinks, still unused to being defended.

“Don’t look so surprised, sweetheart. You have beautiful eyes.” Leai gives him a small smile, which disappears when she turns to look at her brother. “Luke is just suffering from temporary amnesia. After all, he trained me even though I was married to your father. I’m sure when you and Rey marry it won’t affect your connection to the Force at all.”

Ben has ruled the largest military force in the galaxy, had men literally quaking in their boots at the sight of him, but he can’t stop the blush that rises to his cheeks. 

Leia stares pointedly at her brother. “Besides, I thought you were coming around on that. Along with a few other things.” 

“Old habits die hard. It was a knee-jerk reaction. But you’re right. We should probably get to discussing those other things, so we can send Ben on his way.”

Ben knows better, but he can’t stop himself from snapping, “Anxious to get rid of me?”

Luke’s brows furrow. “Aren’t you anxious to get back to Rey?”

Ben has no smart retort; he can’t even speak. It’s like being punched in the gut. 

Leia rises to her feet, places a gentle hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I could use a little break. Let’s meet tomorrow. We’ll start over then.” 

Luke looks to him for confirmation, and Ben nods, though it’s more like hanging his head in shame. 

“Fair enough. See you in the morning.”

He can hear them make their way to the hut’s entrance. Luke’s just slipping past the makeshift door covering when Ben starts pacing the room. 

Why was he so petulant? Why had he wasted time bickering with Luke? Every second he was here was another second that Rey was all alone.

“If you like, I can stay here with you,” a quiet voice pierces the gloom of his thoughts. 

Ben nearly jumps. He looks up to find his mother is still standing by the door. 

He takes a deep breath, runs his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t realize you were still here.”

“Thought you could use the added protection in case Luke tries to make another midnight visit.”

Leia takes him by the elbow and leads him over to a stone bench against the hut’s wall. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She gives him a wry smile as she forces him to sit down, then joins him on the unyielding seat.

He appreciates his mom’s attempt at humor, but Rey constantly haunts his thoughts. Doubt that his resurrection is impossible also looms over him like a shadow. 

“I lied. I wasn’t really tired.” 

“I figured, seeing as how we’re all dead.” He says it without thinking, in a flat tone that doesn’t match her playfulness. The way his mother’s face falls makes him wince. 

“I know it’s selfish, but I just wanted to have some more time with you.” 

He glances down at her hands. They are still elegant, but thinner now and lined with age. She clasps them so tightly in her lap that her knuckles have turned white. 

There were many things Snoke had lied about, but he had been one hundred percent truthful when he said he had too much of his father’s heart in him. Based on experience, Ben knows he has his father’s mouth too, and his unerring knack at saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. 

And not speaking up when he should.

When he doesn’t answer, she stands back up and smooths down her skirts. “Perhaps it’s too soon. I’ll let you sleep. Have a good night.”

For years he’s told himself he could never go back to her, and now that he’s been given this second chance, he’s doing everything wrong. He grabs her hand as she starts to walk away. “Mom, wait, I…” He tugs her into his arms, makes sure not to lift her off of the ground. “I’m sorry. I’ve missed you, Mom. So much.”

His normally composed mother lets out a sob and buries her face in his chest. Unsure of what to do--he’s had so little practice giving comfort to others-- he brings his arms around her, careful not to put too much weight on her. 

“When we sent you to Luke, I didn’t realize that would be the last time I saw you in person.”

After a few moments, she lifts her head. Dabbing at her eyes, she lets out a nervous chuckle. “I can’t help it. You were just a little boy, and now...my baby is all grown up.” 

Leia clears her throat. Blinks back the tears still glistening in her eyes. “So. You and Rey. How was it even possible for you two to appear in the same room? You were on a ship light years away.”

“These Force...connections aren’t by any conscious effort. One second I was sitting in a med bay getting a bacta bandage removed from my face, and the next she appeared right in front of me. We could talk to each other too. They got stronger every time. By the end, we could pass objects back and forth.” 

“And hold hands?”

Ben blushes again. “Mom.”

“Give an old lady a break. I’m trying to cram twenty years of missed experiences in however much time the Force gives us. Just crossed off teasing my son about his crush from the list.”

“Fine,” Ben relents.

“All joking aside, I love that it’s Rey. Your father would have felt the same way too. She is exactly the kind of girl we would have chosen for you.”

“I’m not the kind of boy anyone would choose for Rey,” he says, unable to keep the corner of his mouth from turning down. 

“Don’t say that.” Leia wraps an arm around his shoulder, and he sits, tense at her side. “As one of the people who knows her best, I happen to think you’re perfect for each other. And from what you’re telling me, the Force is of the same opinion.” 

Ben shakes his head. “That’s not how the Force works.”

“Who’s to say? Besides, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks except Rey.”

“Did she ever say anything? About me?”

“No.” She must know how her answer will crush him, because she hurriedly explains, “To be fair to her, I was her master, and you are my son. But I could tell her feelings about the Supreme Leader were not as adversarial as she wanted me to believe.” 

“How?”

“I’m in tune with the Force too, kid. And, more importantly,” Leia pats him on the cheek, her eyes sparkling, “I’m a woman. The way she would call you ‘Ren.’ It was excessive. Any laser brain could see she was trying to distance herself from you. And she’d only need to do that if she'd felt close to you.” 

“Mom, do you…” he purses his lips together, weighing whether or not he should even ask the question. Matters of the heart make him feel foolish, even weak.  _ Of course they do _ , he tells himself,  _ you were conditioned to think only of power and acquiring more of it under threat of torture for years.  _

“What is it, sweetheart?”

His hands clench into fists. Snoke isn’t his master anymore; Ben knows now that there are stronger things in the universe than power. 

“Do you think she could ever come to love me?” 

A soft brush of fingers at the back of his hand causes him to look up from his boots. “Oh, Ben. I think she already does.” 

He wants to believe it, truly. It’s just, well, there’s so many reasons why she wouldn’t. Besides, “It’s not like it matters anyway. I’m still dead.” 

“It’s going to happen,” Leia says firmly, careful to articulate each word. 

“It just seems too good to be true.”

“I would have said the same thing about you bringing Rey back to life, or you two appearing to each other across time and space. It’s just not possible, and yet it happened. Despite what you say, we can’t know or predict how the Force works. Not anymore. And there’s more to come, things beyond our greatest imaginings. I can feel it.” 

It’s hard not to get caught up in her optimism and excitement. Still, none of it makes sense. 

“But why go through all this trouble? Why didn’t the Force just let me live?”

“I don’t know. I’m just glad I’ve been given the chance to see my son again.” 

Her hand trembles as she touches his face, and he leans into her warmth. She brushes her thumb over her cheek, but then stops, moving her face away to get a better look at him. “Didn’t you say you had to bandage your face?” 

“Yeah. The wound actually went from here,” he points to his right cheek, then to his right pectoral, “to here.”

“Where’s the scar?”

“Rey healed me.”

Leia’s concerned look vanishes into a smile. “How sweet. Of course she did.”

“Yeah, when she stabbed me--”

“What?!”

“Oh. We got into a little fight on Kef Bir.”

“A little fight?”

Ben shrugs. “I got distracted when I felt you, uh, die, and she stabbed me. I would have died too, but for whatever reason she healed me. And when she did, the scars on my face and chest went away too.”

Leia’s voice shakes with anger. “What did Snoke do to you?”

“Actually, that was Rey too.”

Leia blinks. After a second, she raises her eyebrows. “And I thought my relationship with your father was contentious.”

“You and dad did fight a lot.” And he’d hated it when they did.

“I know. I’m sorry, Ben. I wish we hadn’t done it so much in front of you. Your father and I were very passionate and stubborn people. But we also loved each other very much.” Leia sighs happily, grips his hand. “I’m so glad you’ll get to experience that too. Just hopefully with less fighting.” Ben nods, vowing then and there that if he gets to be with Rey again, if she’ll let him, he will do everything in his power to make her happy. 

Leia shakes her head as if to clear it. “I still can’t get over how much you’ve grown up. You’re so handsome, just like your father.”

“I miss him,” he says.

Leia lays her head on his shoulder. Without a second thought, Ben rests his cheek against her, relishing the softness of her hair against his face. 

“Me too.”

  
  


Light shines on Ben’s face. He cracks one eye open, then the other, squinting at the early dawn that filters through a gap in the stones of the hut. 

“Kriff,” Ben grumbles, his throat scratchy from sleep. Vaguely he remembers Leia tucking him in and kissing him on the forehead.

He unwraps his arms from around himself and tries to turn over under the rough spun cloth that serves as his blanket. 

He was wrong. The dead can sleep. And, judging by the way he feels, his spirit self can interact with physical things.

“Ow. Ow. Ow.”

So much for more sleep. His muscles and joints scream in protest as he pushes himself up to a seated position. The ledge that served as his bed last night is about as comfortable as one would expect from sleeping atop a rock mattress. 

Closing his eyes, he lets the sounds of the island float up and wash over him. Waves roar against the rocks below, singing the same lullaby he fell asleep to last night. With the morning, new sounds join the ocean’s song. Interwoven amongst the waves’ percussion, the lilting coos and trills of some—he assumes—avian wildlife rise to his ears. Faint tinkling bells occasionally play accompaniment. The resonant lowing off some other island creature rounds out the symphony. 

This is Rey’s ocean. Her island. Her oasis in Jakku. 

It takes a moment to sink in, but once it does Ben jumps to his feet, determined to explore. Finally, he can do  _ something _ . It might not be much, but he can learn about Ahch-To. Learn about her. In this way he can be close to her again if only in some small way. 

Ben slips past the curtain into the coolness of the island air. A ring of ancient structures made of stacked stones surrounds him, though one is half-collapsed with rocks strewn about what should be its entrance. Bands of mist hang suspended around him, softening the light of the twin suns, wrapping everything in a silvery glow. Already, the damp clings to his clothes and hair. What must it have felt like for Rey to experience this, his nightblossom literally walking through water? His mouth curves into a slow smile. The place looks like something out of one of his mother’s fairytales. He takes a deep breath, breathing in the island’s magic. 

_ Not magic. The Force.  _

To his left a staircase cuts into the mountainside, rising precipitously before disappearing into the mists. Something beyond the smoky veil calls to him, and he wanders towards them. The steps are smooth, worn down by wind and millenia of footsteps. His boot strikes the ground, and it sounds like an echo of times past. A chill runs down his spine. He walks in the steps of the first Jedi. Ben begins his ascent. 

Without intending to, his mind circles back to the previous night. How both Luke and Leia believe he is meant to return to Rey. How he allowed his anger and irritation with Luke to get the better of him. Hope and despair continue to war within him. Gritting his teeth, he resolves that today will be different.  _ I will do better, _ he chants with each step he takes. 

Eventually he makes it to a landing. A valley opens before him, and the Force seems to reverberate in the air. He feels it all around him, an energy pushing him forward. The currents whisper to him, and he turns toward the sound. To his right, the mists obscure what is beyond. To the left, more stairs. The clouds part above and he raises his face to the suns. Their rays illuminate the stairs, causing the dark rock to gleam. He continues to climb, promising to return to the other place later. 

This new set of stairs is even steeper than before. By the time he reaches their end, his thighs and calves burn. He stands at the mouth of a cavern. Goosebumps erupt down his arms as he steps across the threshold of the fabled first Jedi Temple. 

At first there is darkness, but as he goes further up he enters a sanctuary within the mountain. Daylight pours through an archway across the way, reflecting off a shallow pool of water. Ben draws closer, kneels down to study the stones artfully arranged into a Jedi sitting in a meditation pose. A drop of water splashes down from the ceiling above, causing the image to ripple. 

Ben leans forward, drags his finger along the surface of the water. A lightsaber, he presumes, bisects the image. Half of the body is made of black stones, the other side of white. The background is similarly split in half. 

It’s not what Ben expected. The temple isn’t either, for that matter. He’s seen holos of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. It was a palace of towering spires and ziggurats, ornate statues, myriad fountains, flowering gardens, and hundreds of chambers. Everything about that building spoke to the Jedi’s importance and power. In contrast, the temple on Ahch-To can only be described as humble. Nothing more than a cave, whose only adornment is a monochromatic picture made of rocks.

Ben’s never been to the temple on Coruscant, but he knows he prefers this. He thinks Rey would too.

It’s quiet here. Hushed, reverent. And yet the air is saturated with the Force, practically hums with it. Its song rebounds and echoes off the rock walls, soaring above his head into the canopy of stone, the melody breaking over him. It strikes something inside him, resonating within as the energy builds and ripples under his skin. 

If only Rey were here. 

The closeness of the Force brings her absence into stark relief. All the more so, because he keenly wishes that he could experience this with her. Maybe he still can? Ben closes his eyes. Focusing inward, he searches along their bond. Unlike the last time, he isn’t met with pain. There is only a faint flicker, so dim when he thinks of how brightly she shines, but it’s there. And in the silence, he hears her beloved voice, still and small.

_ Be with me. _

_ Rey,  _ he answers back, his heart full of longing. __

The ember flares and dances.  _ I’m coming,  _ he promises.

But try as he might, he can go no closer. The Force’s rebuff should devastate him, but he somehow knows he isn’t being told “No,” only “Not yet.” Hopefully, Rey is being told the same thing.   
  


_ Soon _ , he promises.  _ Please wait just a little longer. _

He opens his eyes; the Jedi is blurry through his tears. Her absence is like a physical ache, and he breathes in and out, gripping his knees as he waits for the pain to subside. 

“I stared at that mosaic for years. Only now am I beginning to make sense of it.”

Ben straightens. Luke stands in the cavern’s archway, light streaming in from behind him. 

“The Caregivers of the island call this the Prime Jedi. It’s the first known depiction of the Order,” Luke adds, waving Ben over.

He knows what he has to do, and he will find the strength to do it. He will learn--whatever it is the Force wants to teach him, from whomever it chooses to convey those lessons, even if it’s Luke. Anything to get back to Rey. 

_ I will be better,  _ Ben vows. Somehow it’s easier here, where he connects so easily to the Force. He rises to his feet.

“I’m surprised there are any black stones to begin with. Or that they aren’t under the Jedi’s feet,” Ben says as he bridges the distance.

“Perhaps the Jedi did not always fear the darkness.”

Ben walks under the archway. Up here, the mist has dissipated, and the suns’ rays penetrate without impediment. His eyes, accustomed to the dark of the cavern, squint as they adjust. 

He stands on an overlook. At its highest point, there is a rock platform. Walking past Luke, Ben rests his hand on the ancient meditation plinth. The stone has soaked in the suns’ heat, warming his fingers. His chest swells as he breathes in the crisp sea air. On the horizon there is nothing but endless ocean, broken up by the other islands, and a boundless sky, adorned with wisps of cloud. The wind caresses his face, gently pushing and pulling at his locks. 

Luke points to the plinth. “It was here that I sensed you two shared something. Back then I thought it was just power or an inclination to the dark side. But I’m guessing it’s something more.”

“A dyad in the Force,” Ben states loudly. Without Palpatine breathing down his neck, he no longer has to hide the connection. He can openly revel in how it binds him to Rey. 

Luke lets out a low whistle. “You don’t say. Well, that explains a lot. How did you find out?”

“The Oracle on Mustafar,” he says, shoulders tense. But Luke doesn’t seem bothered by his consultation of the dark side medium. 

“Two that are one, with a power like life itself,” Luke recites. “Or so I’ve read in the Jedi texts.” 

Ben whips around. “You read about this in the sacred Jedi texts?” he says, unable to temper the excitement in his voice. He had always been interested in Jedi history. Tracking down and recovering ancient artifacts had been one of his favorite things to do as a Padawan and Knight. His fingers long to touch their pages. “Where are they?” he asks.

Luke shrugs. “You’ll have to ask your other half. She stole them from me before she left.”

Ben rubs his palm over his chest, suddenly overcome with fondness.  _ His scavenger.  _

Luke looks at him expectantly, and Ben realizes he’s expecting an answer. “Er, what was that?” 

_ “ _ So you two are the prophesied dyad?” Luke scratches at his beard. “Now that I think about it, I can see that.” 

Ben’s glad it makes sense to someone, because it boggles his mind. “I suppose I’m the darkness, and she’s the light.” It’s a theory he’s held for a while now, and he’s glad he finally has the chance to bounce the idea off of a fellow Force practitioner.

Ben’s not sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t for Luke to dissolve into a fit of laughter. “Hardly,” he wheezes out. “You forget that I’ve met her, and she tried to kill me.” Once he’s caught his breath, he wipes at his eyes. “Thanks. I needed that.” 

Luke hasn’t categorically assigned him to the dark side. That’s good, right?

“You’re welcome?” Ben finally says. 

On the other side of the plinth, Luke draws even with Ben. He settles down on the rock, one foot tucked beneath him, while the other rests on the ground. “Sorry about that. You were saying?”

“Everything I’ve studied indicates that the idea of a dyad comes from the Sith Eternal cult. But Rey is a Jedi.”

Luke’s eyes continue to dance with mirth. “Imagine the Sith’s surprise when they discovered their storied and prophesied dyad was just two Jedi bumbling around in love.”

Ben clears his throat, fiddling with the hem of his sweater. “Regardless of who the dyad are, Darth Sidious was still able to use its power to return to full strength.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t let it trouble you. I doubt you’ll be limited to bringing back evil overlords from the brink of death. You and Rey have already proven capable of finding more constructive uses for the dyad. I’m sure once you’ve stopped putting your heads together,” Luke pauses and smirks, “you’ll think of something.”

Ben inwardly groans, and hopes like mad that his cheeks were already red from the wind. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. How about bringing dead planets back to life? Giving people hope. Starting a new Jedi Order.”

A new Order? He’s only thought of returning to Rey, not what the Force will require of him. 

“I raised Rey from the dead by myself. Maybe the Force doesn’t need us both to start something new. Rey is enough.” She will have to be, because Ben certainly isn’t.

“I speak from experience when I say, it is not an easy undertaking for just one person. But I hear her friend Finn is Force-sensitive. I suppose she could establish it with him.”

The plinth starts to vibrate under Ben’s hand, and Luke jumps up from his perch. Once he’s steady on his feet, he looks at Ben, eyebrows raised. “Didn’t think so.”

Ben yanks his hand away, hiding it behind his back. A thin crack now runs along the surface of the stone. It confirms what he already knows. “The Force can’t use me to establish a new Order.”

“Look, I’m a celibate Jedi monk. You need advice about your love life? Ask Lando. Actually, you’d do better to steer clear of him. But as a Jedi Master, I know that you must confront your fear. It’s your destiny.”

Ben shakes his head. “I’m no Jedi.”

“Not yet.”

Luke holds up his hand, silencing Ben before he can answer. “I know you’re scared, that you think this is some kind of mistake and that you aren’t good enough. But the Force has chosen  _ you _ . You and Rey and your relationship.” 

“But the Jedi are against attachment.”

“The Jedi were wrong. What? Don’t look so surprised. I know you agree.”

“It’s just...Snoke had said you wanted to destroy the Order. But to hear you actually say the Order was wrong…”

“Well, at the time I did want it destroyed, but I’ve since come to embrace the Jedi’s failures as part of its legacy instead of its totality. Redemption and restoration are possible. And I want to play my part in bringing the Order back to where it should be.”

“Balance?”

“No. All of the Sith have been destroyed, and the strongest dark side practitioner has turned to the light. I don’t think it’s a matter of balance. Otherwise this cycle will never end.” 

“Then what?”

“Wholeness. The Jedi were not infallible, and the Sith were not wholly wrong. When I had started the new Order, the Jedi teaching on attachments was one of the mistakes I had hoped to rectify. Maybe you were too young to be aware, but I had softened the stance on relationships.” 

“I was aware. I just never took an interest in anyone for it to matter.”

“I don’t think one can find wholeness in isolation. I should have taken it further. Children shouldn’t have to leave their families. Friendships should be forged. People who love each other should be allowed to be together.” 

“But--”

“How did you bring Rey back to life?

“I--” Ben swallows. “I loved her with everything that I had,” he says, barely above a whisper.

When Luke doesn’t answer, Ben’s stomach sinks. He had told Luke the truth, but as the silence stretches on, he begins to question himself. Slowly, he raises his head, bracing himself for Luke’s disapproval.

Luke tilts his head to the side, a soft smile on his lips. “I was wrong about you two. You and Rey prove that attachment doesn’t lead to fear. It’s love that drives out fear.”

Luke’s words go against everything Ben’s been taught, by both his Jedi and Sith Masters. But as he turns the words over in his heart, lets them settle over his mind, he looks back on his time with Rey, and his world shifts. He’s back before Snoke’s throne with Rey gazing up at him, once again holding her lightsaber as the Praetorian Guard rushes towards them. In another throne room, Rey stares into his eyes, both of them heedless of Palpatine and his knights closing in on them. Now, as then, everything falls into place. 

But while his mind assents, feelings of unworthiness and shame continue to plague his heart. “How could the Force use me? I’m the Jedi Killer.”

Luke walks past him, back into the cavern. “I need a change of scenery,” he offers in explanation. He doesn’t wander far, settling down to sit on the rock ledge overlooking the mosaic. 

After a moment’s hesitation, Ben joins him, taking a seat across from him. “Back to the rocks, huh?” 

“It always comes back to the rocks.”

They both stare at the water until Luke finally breaks the silence. “Ben, why did you turn to the dark side?”

He’d known this question was bound to come up, but knowing so in no way helped him prepare to answer it. It’s only made him more anxious. Now that it’s been asked, his heart pounds in his chest. He wraps an arm across himself, grabbing his elbow. “I thought I had killed you, and the other students accused me of destroying your temple. There was nowhere else to go,” he says, his voice trembling.

Luke’s shoulders sag as if a great weight has been placed on them. “And yet you had done neither of those things. I cannot say it enough, but I am sorry.”

Ben presses his lips together, and he hugs himself tighter. The wound still throbs. But he’s experienced enough battle injuries to know that the path to healing frequently involves pain. Sometimes the cure can hurt worse than the original damage.

“You didn’t do it, but everyone believed you did. How did that make you feel?”

“Irredeemable,” Ben’s voice nearly breaks over the word. He drags in a breath, fortifying himself. “I turned to the one person I thought would understand.”

“Your grandfather.”

“My family didn’t want me. The hurt I felt from their rejection...Snoke taught me it was weakness. If I killed them, I could prove to myself that I didn’t need them anymore, that they didn’t mean anything to me either. I would be like Vader.” An errant tear falls from his face. It strikes the water on the mosaic, rippling out from the center. “I see now I was just seeking another connection, but with him.”

“You didn’t choose darkness because you wanted power. You chose it because light was stirring in you. You wanted family, belonging, love. And the people who were supposed to provide it failed you. Have you ever questioned why you would feel irredeemable?”

Ben nearly laughs. “What would be the point? I might not have killed you or razed your temple, but the things I did after that...I killed my dad. How could I even begin to come back from that?” He may have raised Rey from the dead, but that was one act. Sustaining a life of light, bearing responsibility for restoring the galaxy would be a daily struggle, and he knows he is neither good enough nor capable enough for the task. “It’s impossible.” 

“The reason you think that is because you’ve bought into the lie that people are fully light or fully dark. But why would you think differently? It’s what I taught you.” 

“No. I think that because I’m a monster.”

“We all are.”

Ben blinks, not quite believing what he’s heard. He looks up to find Luke watching him intently. “When I failed you, why didn’t it occur to you that I was the one who had made a mistake? Why didn’t you seek help from your mother or father?”

“I don’t know,” Ben says, his voice tremulous.

“Did you believe that I wouldn’t have done such a thing unless you were truly evil?” 

Ben can’t speak around the lump in his throat. He averts his eyes, staring down at his empty hands.

“You thought it was some kind of judgment on your character, but it was actually me doing something heinously wrong. You’re talking to someone who contemplated murdering his own nephew in his sleep. Who ran and hid himself from a grieving sister and a heartbroken friend. I could have done something to stop Snoke, to help bring you back, but I let my fear drive me away.” 

“On Crait, what made you decide to--” ‘fight’ isn’t the right word. Luke didn’t do much besides draw his lightsaber, even as he had flung everything he had at him. But even without finishing his question, Luke seems to know what Ben is asking. 

“An old friend gave me a much needed reminder. The Force works with our failures. Even though I had messed up, I could still help. But by then I had run out of options. If I hadn’t exiled myself, or if I had gone with Rey, it could have gone differently. But I don’t regret it. You’re here now, aren’t you?” 

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?”

“I wanted you to come back to the light. I did so much to send you to the dark side, I wanted to make your path back as easy as possible. Could you have borne it if you knew you were responsible for killing your mom? Or Rey?”

Ben starts to shake, and he pulls at the collar of his sweater. “No. But I wish you hadn’t died for me.”

_ I wasn’t worth it. _

“Hey, none of that,” Luke says sharply, and Ben realizes he had uttered the last part aloud. “I didn’t die for you. I was also helping the Resistance, setting things right with Leia, and paying back Rey for the faith she put in me. You don’t need more guilt, and it’s not my intention that you feel any. There’s been enough of that for everyone.”

“But you heard it yourself. I vowed to destroy her. What’s to prevent me from doing that again?”

“I don’t know. But if you stumble, Rey will be there to help pick you up,” Luke says, then chuckles. “Or beat you up. Either way, I’m sure she’ll help you.”

But the fear is all too real for Ben. “I’m scared I’ll fail her.”

“You wouldn’t be the first person to fail someone they love,” Luke says, all levity gone from his voice. His blue eyes bore into his. “Ben, I know how the darkness sinks its claws in you. Makes you believe that failure means the end. That you can no longer be of use. That too is a lie.” 

Ben can no longer bear the sorrow and regret he sees in Luke’s gaze. It’s too similar to his own. He looks away, blinking back tears. Thankfully, Luke pretends not to see, just keeps on talking.

“I don’t think the light and dark are equal. But the dark exists, and it’s part of each of us.” Luke gestures to the black rocks. “The first Jedi knew this. But as they grew more powerful, as people looked to them as gods, things got distorted. The darkness became something that only the bad or weak fell prey to, instead of something that’s common to everyone. To them, darkness was always outside of themselves, in the face of their enemy. The Sith or the Knights of Ren. Whomever. The point is, they didn’t see it in themselves. It’s how I could stand over my own nephew, my sister and best friend’s beloved son, and think of murdering him in his sleep.”

“What should you have done?” Luke’s answer won’t change the past, but Ben needs to know. He needs to believe he’s not destined to make the same mistakes over and over. And if Luke truly understands the despair he feels, perhaps he can show him how he dragged himself out of the pit. 

“We should have told you about your grandfather from the start, instead of being afraid. I should have sought help from your parents. I should have talked with you when I knew you were struggling. Maybe then we could have discovered Palpatine’s manipulations. Most of all, I should have been your uncle, instead of a Jedi Master.”

“But Rey and I would be the founders of the new Order. What about the next time someone struggles with the dark and threatens the galaxy? Should we do nothing because that’s just part of who they are?” 

“I’m not saying do nothing, any more than we should embrace the dark by becoming it or celebrating it. But we embrace ourselves, and we embrace each other. We acknowledge that we are weak, that we have within each of us an inclination to do evil. And when we see it, we don’t deny it or run away or try to destroy it in others by destroying them. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable with those who would help us overcome that darkness--our families, friends, and loved ones. We allow the light and their love to change us.”

“But I’ve been dark for so long.”

“Ben, it’s time to let go. You’re still holding on to your mistakes, but you’re the only one. Your parents have forgiven you. Rey forgave you. You need to forgive yourself. You’re  _ not _ dark; you were  _ influenced  _ by the dark.

Ben rolls his eyes. “That’s just semantics.”

“No, it’s the crux of the whole matter!” Luke shouts, his voice bouncing off the cavern walls. “I  _ need  _ you to grasp this. The  _ galaxy _ needs you to grasp this. Your love for Rey, for your mom, for your dad--that’s not semantics. It brought you back from the dark; it brought Rey back from death.”

Luke stands to his feet and walks right in front of Ben, so he must look up into his face. Luke’s eyes burn with all the brightness of sincerity and conviction. “Now do you see why the Force would choose you and Rey? Why it would choose your connection, your  _ attachment _ to save the galaxy? If the Supreme Leader of the First Order can turn, if love is what moves the suns and stars, there is hope for everyone. No one is ever too far gone. No one ever has to be alone.” 

And then Ben feels it. Inside his chest, the web of guilt, misery, and shame so impossibly tangled, so deeply buried within that he’d started believing it was a part of his very self--it loosens. In his despondency, Ben had not recognized the work that had already begun. His dad’s forgiveness, Rey’s compassion, his mother’s hope--all of it had been slowly eroding the snare of self-hatred that had been eating him alive. Luke’s words are the final stroke. 

The faint flicker glows, burning brighter. It pierces the darkness. The gloom that has cast a pall over his life begins to clear as the ember continues to grow and blaze. Ben can finally see a way. With Rey’s help. With time. In healing others, he himself will heal. 

“OK,” he relents.

Luke collapses back on the ledge. “Good,” he says, rubbing tiredly at his face. “For a second there, I thought I’d have to mind trick you into forgiving yourself.” 

Ben smiles, his heart lighter than it has been in a long time. “I’d like to see you try, old man. So, what do we do now?” Ben asks, ready to uproot mountains, part the seas, and stop planets in their paths. 

“We wait.”

Ben’s groan and Luke’s subsequent laughter fill the temple. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading. Next up: Ben and Rey finally meet up. =D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Eve Darcy, for beta-reading this for me and for your encouragement.

As soon as Rey boards the Falcon, she tears into the rations left out in the lounge (she suspects by Rose). She’s careful not to eat too much too fast, just enough to take the edge off of her hunger--a lesson she learned on Jakku the hard way. Once that need is met, she is utterly exhausted. Stumbling to the sleeping quarters, she collapses in an open bunk and sleeps. 

Nearly a day and a half later she emerges from the landscape of her dreams-- a sky empty but for a small ember of light pulsing in its inky depths. 

_Be with me,_ she whispers into the darkness.

A voice, deep and calm and sure, answers. 

_Soon. Please wait just a little longer._

She wakes with a smile and a strong urge to visit the fresher. Once that business is taken care of, she debates what to do next. 

Rey knows all about waiting, and is fairly good at it, but that doesn’t mean she can’t help expedite the process.

The Jedi texts she had salvaged from Ahch-To are still where she’d packed them when she’d left Ajan Kloss. The drawer slides open with ease, and she withdraws one of the smaller volumes. Sitting down on the bed, she flips open the aged organo-silicon hide cover and carefully lays it across her lap. Her datapad sits beside her on the bed.

Back on Ajan Kloss, she had C-3PO’s expert advice. Oddly enough, Rey finds she’s able to figure things out more quickly on her own with the datapad’s translation programs. 

Quickly, she scans the pages, leaving markers on the entries of interest: Netherworld of Unbeing, Chain Worlds Theorem, World Between Worlds, and the Vergence Scatter.

She’s about to revisit the marked pages, when Rose pokes her head into the room.

“Just wanted to see if you were awake and/or hungry.” She steps inside the door, bearing a tray laden with various rations. Her nose scrunches up as she says, “Just some polystarch bread, veg-meat, and—“

Rey’s stomach grumbles loudly, interrupting Rose’s recitation of the menu, and they both smile. 

Carefully balancing the tray, Rose walks over to the bed and sits down. After a few seconds of awkward rearranging, Rey now has the tray and Rose holds the book and datapad. 

“What are you reading?” Rose asks, just as Rey takes a monstrous bite of the polystarch bread. “Sorry. It’s a secret talent of mine, asking questions just as someone begins to eat.”

Rey bobs her head from side to side, making a show of chewing and swallowing quickly, but finally gives up and starts talking with her mouth partially full. “The _Rumilliad_. Not sure how to pronounce it.” She swallows. “It’s an old Jedi book. I’m hoping it can help me find Ben.”

She leans over and taps the page she had left the book open to. “It mentions a World Between Worlds and a Netherworld of Unbeing. I’m thinking Ben might be there.”

Rose pours over the pages, frequently consulting the datapad while Rey continues to scarf down her food.

“Thanks!” she manages in between bites.

Rose is now hunched over the book and doesn’t look up. “It’s not much. I’m hoping we can pick up some other supplies when we refuel.”

Rey shrugs. “Tasted fine to me. Where are we?”

Rose doesn’t answer at first and then suddenly bursts out, “This is amazing! If this is true, you could access any time or any place!”

“Yeah. Problem is I don’t have any idea where I could access it. I mean, I have _some_ idea. There’s this place where we’re heading to--”

“Ahch-To?”

Rey uses the back of her hand to wipe at her mouth, then wipes her hand on her pants. “Yeah. There’s a cave there. It’s a vergence of dark side energy,” she says, before quickly adding, “but it’s where I saw Ben in my dreams.” 

Rose nods her head, furrowing her brow, but she says nothing. 

Rey shifts on the bed, then picks at some dried food on her pants as she weighs whether Rose’s silence is condemnation or an invitation to say more. Surprisingly, Rey finds that she wants to share. Rose seems like a good person, a compassionate person, someone Rey might be able to trust. 

Rose blows out a sigh. “Yeah, that’s hard. I wish I could be more helpful, but I don’t know what to tell you.”

Rey slumps. When she realizes what she’s done, she rolls her neck, trying to hide her disappointment. “Sorry. I don’t usually talk this much.”

“Can’t say I relate. I have the opposite problem.”

“I guess I’ll just have to wait and see,” Rey says in an overly cheery voice, punctuating her statement with a smile.

Rose doesn’t seem to buy it, if the look of pity she gives Rey is any indication. “We have a few days before we get there. If you’re OK with it, I could scan these and see what I can find.”

“I’d appreciate that. Just having someone else to talk to about this…” Rey’s voice dries up before she can finish her sentence.

She’s kept Ben a secret for so long. It was always difficult, but lately it’s been _really_ hard. Perhaps if she didn’t know Ben was her literal other half, it wouldn’t be so bad. But he is, and it hurts to pretend that he doesn’t exist. It hurts to play down his importance to her. Everything aches, like she’s denying some essential part of herself. And the worry she carries inside that she will never be with him again...It’s unbearable. 

Rose leans forward, her eyes wide with concern. “Are you OK? You seem....”

“It’s nothing.” Rey rubs at her eyes. They burn and her vision is suddenly blurry. “Only...maybe I should be more worried that I’d be accessing the World Between Worlds through a dark side vergence. And if I can find him through it, what then? Do I go back in time to save Ben, or would he just be there, waiting for me? And if he is, could he just leave or is there some task I have to complete first? And would there be any repercussions for taking him from there?”

After a few seconds of silence that feel like an age, Rose places a hand on Rey’s knee, which Rey now realizes is practically jumping up and down, it’s shaking so badly. “Hey. It’s going to be OK. We’ll figure something out.”

Rey sniffles, then tries to cover it up with a cough. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.”

“Overwhelming grief. Undealt-with trauma. Crippling exhaustion. Burnout from stress and anxiety. Take your pick.”

Rey lets out a laugh that sounds awfully like a sob.

“Awwww,” Rose says, then wraps an arm around her shoulder. “It’s going to be alright. And I’m here to help. Whatever you need. Just ask.”

Rey wipes at her eyes with the sleeve of Ben's sweater, which hangs past her hand. “Why did you come? You don’t even know me.”

Rose’s fingers move to her pendant, and she rubs her thumb over the metal that Rey recognizes from her lightsaber studies as Haysian smelt. “I lost my sister, Paige. She died last year taking down the _Fulminatrix_.” 

Rey’s mouth drops open. Not knowing what to say, she finally settles on, “I heard about that. What she did, destroying a dreadnought, was amazing. She must have been really brave.”

“She was the bravest person I know.” 

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Me too.”  
  


Then it dawns on Rey. Paige didn’t just die a heroic death; she sacrificed her life to fight against the First Order. And now they are on their way to save its Supreme Leader. Rey’s stomach feels like a stone inside her.

“I’m so sorry about your sister. If I had known, I wouldn’t have...I understand if you want to go back.” 

“I didn’t bring her up to make you feel guilty. I wanted you to know that I understand.” Rose touches the pendant again, and Rey realizes it’s something she does without thought. An unknowing reflex for comfort and reassurance, like how Rey prods against the bond to feel Ben’s presence. “If I could bring Paige back, I would do anything.”

Then Rey remembers what she said to Finn earlier, and she feels even worse. “When I told Finn that no one could know what I was going through...I wasn’t trying to dismiss anyone else’s pain.” Rey wrings her hands, unsure of how to continue. 

“Sometimes I miss Paige so much I can’t function. And it wouldn’t have mattered who I spoke with, because even if they had lost someone, they hadn’t lost Paige.” Rose squeezes the pendant in her fist so hard, Rey thinks it must leave an imprint in her skin. And then she releases it. “No one has lost Ben the way you have, especially if you’re...Force married...or,” Rose shrugs. “Sorry, I can’t remember how you described it.”

Rey wrinkles her nose, not sure of how to handle any of this. Her feelings for Ben, Rose’s unexpected understanding and continued kindness. “That’s OK. I don’t know how to describe it myself.” Rey picks at some lint on her pants. “Do you--do you think it’s selfish of me to bring him back?”

“Why would I think that?”

“It’s just...I know people want him to pay for what he did. But if they mean to hurt him, I won’t let them.” She raises her chin, already bracing herself for battle. She will do everything in her power to keep Ben Solo safe, even if that means disappearing into the Unknown Regions. But her heart still breaks at the idea that people will hate Ben, that he will continue to be misunderstood. 

“You said he’s changed, right?”

“Yes, but that might not be enough for some people.”

“Death isn’t the only way to pay for one’s crimes.”

“Yeah, but--”

“You fought against him when he was bad?”

“Yeah, but--”

“Didn’t you say you stabbed him?”

Rey winces. “That wasn’t one of my better moments.”

Rose giggles, then snorts. Her eyes widen, and she covers her mouth. Rey feels her lips begin to twitch.

“No, it probably wasn’t. But did you want to be with him before he turned away from the dark side?”

Rey sees a flickering fire in a small, stone hut. Feels the warmth of his hand in hers, of his words in her heart. She sees another fire, consuming the walls of a throne room. Another outstretched hand, another declaration that they can be together. 

“I hadn’t even known him a week before I knew I wanted to be with him.” 

It had been anguish, pure and utter anguish, to stand in front of Ben after he’d killed his master for her, and realize that she couldn’t take his hand--that the convictions of her heart made no room for her desires. But it wasn’t enough to walk away from him. How could it be when they were connected by the Force and he kept proposing to her? Ill-timed, poorly worded proposals though they were (and there were many), they were still offers of himself, and he was who she wanted. She couldn’t trust herself not to give in. 

So she threw up her defenses, closed herself off to him, retreated behind insults and coldness. Nursed her anger and bitterness towards him for ruining their future together. Only seeing him dying by her hand, pierced through with his lightsaber, had finally made her see clearly—the greatest anguish was not being apart, but living in a world without him.

“That proves you're not selfish.”

“How?”

“You denied yourself while he was still dark. But now he’s not so...”

Rey opens her mouth to respond, but Rose keeps going.

“I mean, I don’t know anything about the Force, but why would it bring him back if he’s not meant to return? What’s the purpose behind all of this?”

Rey wishes she knew. 

“And I’ve been thinking,” Rose continues. “Like, we think the Final Order, or First Order, or whatever they want to call themselves is destroyed, but last I checked we still haven’t been able to track down all the warships, weapons, and leadership. What’s to stop them from resurfacing in a few years? After all, we thought Palpatine was gone, and look what happened. He was stockpiling a whole other army for decades. We had bigger numbers this time so we won, but maybe next time we won’t. Right now, they’re complying, but nothing’s really changed. Our enemy still hasn’t changed.”

Rose’s eyes shine bright with fervor. Rey can’t even get a word in if she wanted to. Not that she has anything to add. 

“Except your Supreme Leader has changed. He gave up everything for you. And now he can return and dismantle the First Order from within, truly eradicate it and build something new, something that will actually help the galaxy. Maybe that’s the way the cycle is broken. You said it yourself. You two are a dyad, and your power is life-giving. The First Order’s power brings death and destruction, but your power is based in love and connection and relationship. If that’s the power that rules the world, maybe that’s how we win. Maybe that’s how things finally change.”

_We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy._

Suddenly, Ben’s words in the throne room take on a new meaning. Even though he meant something else by it, it would seem the Force had been speaking through him. And while Rey does not see them as rulers of the galaxy, she wonders what their new Jedi order would look like. One where power is based not in control and domination, but expressed through love and healing. 

Sometime during Rose’s speech, she stood up and started pacing the cramped quarters. Now that she’s finished, she seems to realize what she was doing and stops. 

“Sorry. I may have got a little carried away.” 

“No, keep going. It’s really good.”

“Unfortunately, that’s all I have. Well, just one more thing.”

“Hmm? What’s that?”

“Paige would tell you to get your man. She was romantic like that.”

Rey raises her canteen. “To Paige.”

“To Paige,” Rose echoes back, clinking the datapad against it.

  
  


* * *

Together they head toward the cockpit. Once there, Rey slips into the seat next to Chewie, while Rose sits down in one of the seats behind them. 

“Where are we?”

“When I went to check on you, we had just left the Triellus Trade Run for the Hydian Way.”

“So through the Harrin and Rimma Trade, and leaving from the Guu Run?” Rey asks, slightly puzzled by the semi-tortuous route.

Chewie gruffs, and Rose gives him a sympathetic smile. “We hit a meteor storm almost as soon as we left Tatooine. It was too dangerous to proceed to the Corellian Run. But I think this way we only lose a day or so.”

Rey presses her lips together. 

_Soon. Please wait just a little longer._

It’s only a day.

She sighs and squeezes her eyes shut to block out the sight of thousands upon thousands of scratches etched into a durasteel wall. Settling into the chair, she stretches out her legs as much as the cramped cockpit allows. It’s not much considering she shares the space with a seven and a half foot tall Wookie. In spite of all this, Chewie somehow manages to produce a box seemingly out of nowhere. 

He hands it to Rey.

She is about to ask what it is but nearly drops the box when she opens the lid and senses Ben. Her slender fingers work at the stubborn cover, carefully prying open her new treasure trove. Rolls of parchment, a leather pouch, a tiny pot, a compass, and a set of beige colored robes lay at the top—her eyes greedily scan her new keepsakes as Chewie informs her that Han had saved the items on the Falcon. 

She’s seen these objects before, back at Takodana when she’d touched a lightsaber and was pulled into her first Force vision. Only then she didn’t know the other items in the chest had been Ben’s. It’s a comfort, knowing that even before they had met, something called them to each other. 

Rey lifts up the pouch and unwinds the string holding it closed. Unfolding it, she finds it full of pockets, each with a pen inside. It’s an old-fashioned form of communication, much more elegant than the scratching tool she used inside her AT-AT. Rey picks one out and wraps her fingers tight around the stylus, trying to ascertain what Ben would write about. Technical guides? Jedi theory? Letters to his family?

“I saw these before. At Maz’s,” she says.

Chewie turns to the dashboard and engages a series of switches as he offhandedly remarks that Maz may have added a few items to the box back on Ajan Kloss.

Rey’s fingers itch to dig under the robes and see what’s beneath them, the older items that Han had kept of his son, the ones Rey hasn’t seen yet.

“Is there something going on with you and Maz?” Rose asks. “Because she seems _very_ interested in you. About as interested as you are in that instrument panel.”

Chewie’s hands pause, then move to another switch. He flicks it on and a blue light blinks into existence. In a series of quiet growls he informs Rey that Han had saved every one of Ben’s messages. 

“I know a diversion when I see-“ Rose gasps. “Wait! Is that who I think it is?” She turns to Rey, mouth agape. 

Rey can’t answer. Rey can’t breathe. She leans forward in her seat, toward the holographic image of Ben Solo, dressed in Jedi robes—maybe even the ones she carries in her box. 

It’s small but she recognizes the messenger instantly. 

He’s just as tall, though not as broad. His hair is still beautiful, if a little bit shorter, not long enough to cover his ears. Her heart clenches at the sight. He looks so young, and yet somber and serious and careworn. An overwhelming desire to brush his hair behind his ears and tell him everything will be alright comes over her, and her fingers flex at her side.

“So that’s what the Supreme Leader looks like under the mask?” Rose raises her eyebrows. “I can see the appeal.”

Rey blinks, startled to find that she’s not alone. 

Chewie shakes his head, muttering under his breath about hormones, assumptions, and nosy young people. Standing up, he informs them that he’s going to get some sleep.

“Did you notice how he didn’t answer my question?” Rose asks as soon as he leaves.

Rey nods her head, though she barely hears what she’s agreeing to. She can’t take her eyes off the still image of Ben. She wants to push the play button. 

“Hey, if it’s alright with you, I think I’m going to take a nap too.”

“Yes, of course!” Rey's voice echoes loudly in the small space. Rose raises her brows, and Rey blushes.

“You don’t really need a nap, do you?”

“Maybe. You can get me when you’re done.”

“Thanks.”

Rey doesn’t even wait for Rose to leave. She leans in closer, unable to keep a smile from forming on her face as she presses play.

Ben heaves a large sigh, then stares straight at the recording device. “Dad, I know it’s been a while. Sorry I didn’t call sooner. Things have been…”

His voice washes over her, and she savors the sound. Ben runs a large hand through his hair, looking down at the ground again.

“I know you and mom really wanted this to work out, but I’ve tried. For years. The other students, they treat me differently. They always have. I’ve tried to fit in, but...they don’t like me. And things with Uncle—with Master Skywalker aren’t going too well either. I just...Dad, I don’t want to be here anymore.

“I know I’ve said that before, but I’ve tried sticking it out like mom wanted. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve never felt so alone. I don’t belong here. I probably never did.” 

His chin wobbles in a way that’s endearingly familiar. Rey feels it again, the desire to touch his face, stroke his cheek till he stops hurting. But he’s not here, so she twists her hands in her lap to distract her from the heaviness in her heart. 

“Can I come home?

“Please.”

* * *

Ben is not good at waiting. 

Never has been. Probably never will be. But this? It’s torture. 

“Is this really necessary?” Ben asks for the third time, shifting on the meditation plinth. His right leg stings and prickles as the blood flows back into the limb. 

“Close your eyes.”

Ben complies, but only outwardly. “How do I get back to her?”

There’s a whistling sound, and then a stinging pain blooms across his fingers. “Ow!” Ben shakes his injured hand and glares at Luke, who has just tossed aside a blade of one of the local plants. 

“Focus.”

Ben growls. They have been at this for days, and the Light still hasn’t incinerated him to a crisp. So things are actually going fairly well in Ben’s book. Well enough that Ben thinks it’s time to move on.

“You said it yourself. Every second I’m here is one second longer that Rey’s alone.”

“I did not say that. Also, every word of what you just said was wrong.”

“That’s not as funny as you think it is.” But it is annoying, just like it was the first time he heard it. Actually, more.

“Every word of what you just said--”

Ben raises his hands in surrender. “If I stop arguing with you, will you promise never to say that again?” 

“We’re not arguing. Time doesn’t pass the same way here as it does over there. So stop worrying and focus. I need to prepare you for what’s ahead. Besides, the Force works on its own time table. You’ll leave when the Force says so and not a moment sooner.”

“I don’t see--”

“I know you still have your doubts, but if you and Rey are to train and lead new Jedi, you need to stop fearing the Light.”

Ben relaxes his jaw, but it’s too late to escape Luke’s notice. 

“What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“You just clenched your jaw. There. You did it again. Clearly, it’s not nothing.”

Ben bites down harder, cursing the ever-present tic. What started as a mechanism to check his feelings has turned into an uncontrollable reflex. 

“Come on, Ben. Out with it.”

Ben levels his gaze on Luke. The old man stares back expectantly. “I have all day. An eternity of days, even.” 

Unbending his legs, Ben plants one on the ground and pulls the knee of his other leg up to his chest. He chooses his words carefully. This is an old wound, one that never healed correctly. Ben’s no stranger to injuries; he’s seen bones rebroken to fix them. To revisit this now, well, it doesn’t feel much better. “Why do you believe that?”

“Believe what?”

“That I can train, let alone lead, a new order of Jedi.”

“Apart from the whole dyad and attachment discussion we have almost daily?”

“I’m serious. I’m not even sure the order is worth saving.”

Ben braces for Luke’s disappointment, but the old man just nods.

“You already know I exiled myself to Ahch-To with the express purpose of letting the Jedi order die out. Sometimes when I contemplate the enormity of the Jedi’s mistakes, it’s tempting to think I should have followed through.” 

“Then why continue it?”

“Even with all the order’s issues, I always come back to this. The Light is good, and the world needs the Light. For whatever reason--even though we fail repeatedly--the Light uses the Jedi. It continues to reach out and refine us, to help us learn from our errors. But you’re right. In its current incarnation, the order is severely flawed. That’s where you and Rey come in.”

There’s a rustling sound behind them. Ben turns, then squints as the sun reflects off of his mom’s white robes. 

“Did I miss anything?” she asks.

“We’re discussing the establishment of the new Jedi order,” Luke says.

Leia walks over and sits down next to Ben on the plinth. “Oh good. Don’t forget the part about allowing relationships. I want Rey to be my daughter-in-law. Sooner rather than later. OK, Ben?” 

Ben stares out at the ocean, keeping his face blank. “That’s not up to me.”

“Of course not,” Leia says, the smile evident in her voice, even though he refuses to look at her to see it. “And just so we’re clear, I want grandchildren.”

“I’ll make sure to let Rey know,” Ben says in monotone. 

“You do that,” she says, patting his knee.

When Ben finishes rolling his eyes, they land on Luke. Fond exasperation adorns his wrinkled face, as if to say ‘Can you believe her?’

No. He cannot.

“Actually, we were just about to talk about Rey and Ben,” Luke says. He raises a brow, looking pointedly at his sister. “With your permission, of course.”

Leia deigns to nod her head, like the princess she is. The sunlight catches on her crown of braids, causing it to glint. 

“I’m not a soldier; I’m a Jedi. And in my experience, true revolution takes place in the heart, not on the battlefield. That’s where your focus should be. We are peacemakers, not peacekeepers. The Jedi shouldn’t be bodyguards for governments, or soldiers for the rebellion. No offense,” Luke says to Leia.

“None taken.”

“I laid down my life for my dad, and he did the same for me. You gave your life for Rey. I don’t know what will eventually result from that, but I think the world waits in eager expectation for something different. You and Rey get to write a new chapter for the Jedi. Hopefully one with more humility. And more love.” 

“And my grandchildren.”

Luke groans. “Leia, leave the poor boy alone. He’s already been killed once. We don’t need him dying of embarrassment too.”

Ben ignores their comments, and hopes that they similarly pay no heed to his flushed cheeks. “We are just two people.”

Leia rubs his knee gently. “Two people who are one, with a power like life itself.”

“But will that be enough? Will we be enough?”

Luke furrows his brow. “Enough for what?”

“To shoulder the entire weight of the new order. To carry the expectations that everyone will put on us. We already have to bear the burden of our fallen legacies. Kriff,” Ben’s head falls back and he sighs. “I haven’t even dealt with the fact that I’ve spent nearly a decade trying to become Darth Vader. And Rey’s known she’s a Palpatine for about a month.”

“We should have told her sooner,” Leia says, remorsefully.

What?! Ben jumps to his feet. “You knew! How could you keep that from her after seeing what it did to me?” 

“Perhaps we can address this difficult issue after we tackle the other difficult issues first,” Luke says.

“Just when I think I’m starting to get over what you guys did, I learn something else.” Ben growls then shakes his head. “Fine. We’ll talk about it later. But don’t think I’ll forget.”

“I don’t expect you to,” Leia says quietly.

“Good, because I won’t.” Ben expels a gust of air, then slowly breathes back in and out again. “The point is Rey and I already have enough baggage of our own to deal with, let alone that of an entire order. I know the strains of running an Empire. We are not up to it.”

“Oh. I see now,” Luke says. 

“What?! What do you see?”

“You’re operating under the same misconception I was.”

“Which is?”

“That I needed to restore the Jedi to their former glory. But I was wrong. The glory of the Jedi was never in elaborate temples, or in a vast army of knights and masters enforcing their will at the ends of their lightsabers. The glory of the Jedi is the Light itself, and they best serve the Light, not by directing it onto themselves, but by sharing it with a world weary from conflict and strife. The universe doesn’t need the old order; it needs hope and healing.” 

Ben buries his head in his hand and rubs his face. “I just don’t see how it’s possible.”

Leia laughs. When Ben shoots her an aggrieved look, she sobers. “Sorry. That was rude. But I’m not surprised you think it’s impossible. Snoke conditioned you to believe that change comes through displays of power and violence, by forcing people to accept their greater good against their will. Even if I thought that the First Order’s idea of the greater good was correct--and I hope by now you know that I don’t--they would never achieve it. Governments like the First Order and the Empire will always fail, because they impose an external solution on an internal problem. That’s not to say that who’s in power doesn’t matter. But true change cannot be forced from the outside. That’s just compliance. People have to choose to change for themselves. It has to come from within.”

This doesn’t make Ben feel any better. “If I’ve been conditioned to think that way, what makes you think I won’t make those same mistakes?”

“When I tried to kill you in your sleep, did that make you change into the person I wanted you to be?”

Luke knows better than to expect an answer. 

“And I’m guessing since you cut Snoke in half, his methods of control didn’t work on you either.”

Ben had never put it together till now, but by the end of his time with his masters, he had done the exact opposite of what they had wanted. “No.”

“You won’t fall into those traps again, because you know better. You’ve seen through the Jedi hypocrisy. You’ve scaled the heights of the Sith to become Supreme Leader, and it wasn’t enough for you. You didn’t get what you wanted in life by amassing more power. It was the hope and love of others, and inside yourself, that brought about your healing. And it will be that same hope and love that you will use to help others,” Leia says.

His mom is right; he mentally assents to it, but there is still doubt. “I know what I have to do, but--”

“You just don’t know if you have the strength to do it?”

Ben nods. “It just seems too much.”

“Then start small,” Luke says.

“It only takes a spark, Ben,” Leia says.

_Or the touch of a hand._

Ben remembers it so clearly, Rey might as well be sitting before him now, dripping wet and wrapped up in a blanket. So small and vulnerable. Broken. But she’d offered her hand and upended his world. 

“I just worry that I will fail.”

“You will. Failure is part of the process, and you need to expect it. Just learn from your mistakes and do better.”

“I know. I know.” Ben sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry we have to keep having the same discussions over and over.”

Leia leans into him, wraps a thin arm around his shoulders. “Sweetheart, these conversations are just as much for us as they are for you.”

Ben snorts. “Right. Yet you are the ones who are constantly reassuring me.”

“I know; it’s wonderful. I get to be the mother I should have been to you so long ago.”

Luke nods. “This is what it should have been like, Ben. And the more you commune with the Light, the more you will feel that you belong there, that you are accepted.”

Their admissions stun Ben. Obviously, he knows they have flaws, but to hear them admit them repeatedly, to be treated like one of the adults instead of just a screw up--it unknots something inside him. Allows him to be more vulnerable himself. 

“I want to believe, but there’s this block in my mind.”

“What is it?” Leia asks.

Ben almost feels guilty for bringing it up again.

“Is it me?” Luke asks. “If it is, don’t be afraid to say it. Your mom’s right; this is why we’re here. To make up for the ways we’ve failed you.”

“Yes, but it’s not just you.”

“That should make you feel better,” Leia says.

The corner of Luke’s mouth quirks up, but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “It’s probably best to just get it over with.”

Ben shrugs. OK. “That night, after you attacked me, the other knights assumed I murdered you and burned down the temple. They tried to execute me. When I needed guidance my grandfather never appeared even though I begged him to show me the way. After I became Supreme Leader, you never visited me. When I lay dying at the bottom of a pit, not one of the Jedi tried to help me, even though their Chosen One had just died.” 

Ben looks down when he feels a pressure on his hand. His mother’s fingers curl around his own shaking ones and squeeze.

“I want to believe that the Light accepts me, but it’s really hard to reconcile that with my past. At no point in my journey have I ever felt welcomed by the Light.” 

“I have no doubt that the Light sees you as its own.” Luke sighs. “Its practitioners are another story.”

“Considering I’m supposed to lead these new practitioners, I would think that’s important.” Ben tries but is unable to keep the sarcasm out of his tone.

Luke remains silent for a long time. “There will never be a good reason for what happened to you,” Luke presses his lips together. “For what I did to you, because it simply doesn’t exist. People are imperfect. And when you combine those imperfections with the ability to channel the Force...Pride and power are a devastating combination.” Luke goes quiet again, then finally adds, “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I don’t have a better answer, Ben.” 

Ben chews the inside of his lip. Luke’s right, the answer isn’t satisfying. But it feels like the truth.

“I appreciate your honesty.” 

“I don’t want to excuse what happened to you, or justify my actions. And while what happened to you was horrible, it doesn’t mean it was without purpose. At the risk of sounding self-serving, I do think it’s possible that good can come from the evil that was done to you. That what others meant for your harm, the Light can use for your good.”

“And also for the good of others,” Ben says. 

“Yes, though that might not seem like much consolation,” Luke says apologetically.

Ben swallows. It’s difficult to articulate, but he tries. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. It seems too much to hope that something good can come from the evil and hurtful things I did. But I hope it does; the thought gives me comfort.”

His mother squeezes his hand again. “Those terrible experiences, the isolation and loneliness you felt...I think it binds you and Rey even closer to each other, and will make you both that much more empathetic to those you will help. And the wrong things you did will motivate you too. You aren’t passing on dry, Jedi doctrines, but something you’ve lived out and seen truly work in your own lives. How we are weak and need each other. How we will fail and should remain humble. How we will make mistakes but can move on from them and do better.”

Luke nods. “After I failed you, I messed up again with Rey. I was weak, foolish. As far as I was concerned, the Force was done with me. But it was then, when I was at my lowest, that the Force worked most powerfully through me. To project myself across the universe--I’d never done anything like that before. But I was given another chance to apologize to you, and to make things right after dismissing Rey and abandoning you mom and the Resistance.” 

“And now you and Rey appear to each other across time and space without batting an eye,” Leai says.

“And raise each other from the dead,” Luke says.

Ben blinks.

Leia nods. “Right before I found you here, we could feel her calling for you. I don’t know what she did, but Rey was definitely involved in bringing you to us.”

Ben already knows Rey is amazing, but finds that he can still find more reasons to be in awe of her.

“As for your grandfather, I don’t know why he didn’t speak to you. He only appeared to me once, right after he died, and he didn’t say anything. I think it was just the Force’s way of reassuring me that he was alright. I don't know why the Force didn’t let me appear to you either. Perhaps it saw that we would have this time together. Or the Force knew that if Anakin helped you reject Snoke, you would never have met Rey. Or if I had appeared to you earlier, you may have gone down a path that would have made working with Rey impossible. All I can do is conjecture. Maybe it will be revealed in the future, but it’s most likely we will never know.” 

Ben is fine with the ambiguity, so long as he lives in the reality that brings him to Rey. 

“And as for us not helping after Rey died,” Leia says, “I tried to come to you but I lacked the strength to manifest. Even now, I can barely see and maybe that will always be the case. I’ve tried over and over to reach out to Rey, but…” Leia’s voice trails off and she shakes her head. “Perhaps with all the Sith destroyed, there’s no reason for any of us to project.”

Which means that after Ben leaves with Rey, he might never see them again.

Ben finds the thought unsettling. 

The days pass in deep conversation (with an occasional argument) and meditation over Ahch-To’s wild seas. But in spite of his progress Ben is still troubled by the thought that he might never see his mom and uncle again. Further soul searching reveals that he has this worry, because he would actually miss them if they were gone. They’ve grown close, and despite promises he made long-ago, he’s forgiven them. After that, the thought still bothers him, but not as much. 

Ben has other worries too. He tries not to recoil every time he connects to the Force, but it’s hard. Pain and anger were touchstones of Snoke’s training, so inextricably bound with his experience of the Force, that he can’t connect to it without anticipating torment. The only relief had been his Force connections with Rey, but since she’s not there, he’s learning it all over again by himself. It’s been so long since he’s basked in the Light. At first it feels foreign, like an itch under his skin. But as he continues to sit in its glow, he adapts. It’s gentle with him, illuminating all the nooks and crannies and neglected places that have yearned for its warmth. And it doesn’t burn even as it falls on the dark places within him. Just reveals what’s there, so he can know himself more clearly. 

He’s happy to admit that Luke was right. It is getting easier. He still flinches, but he recognizes that it will stop. He belongs in the Light, and there will come a day--soon--when its peace and serenity will be an expectation and not a surprise. He feels it in his bones. Perhaps when Rey is by his side. 

And so it goes. Day after day, Ben rests in the Light, guided by either Leia or Luke, sometimes both. And every day, Ben stretches along his bond with Rey, comforted by the spark he finds there, but wanting more. Always wanting more.

Then one day, just as he’s about to end his meditation, he does his routine check along their bond. And this time, instead of a flicker of light or a whisper from Rey, it is the Force that answers back. 

_Now._

* * *

“Ooooh,” Rose coos as Rey walks out of the fresher and into the crew’s quarters. “Don’t you look fancy!”

Rey feels her cheeks warm and is unable to keep her nose from scrunching up at the compliment. “Not really.”

“Yes, really! You look great.”

Rey rolls her eyes. “You’re just saying that because I finally decided to stop looking like an unkempt sand rat.” 

“You never looked like a sand rat,” Rose gruffs. “ _And_ you also look really nice today.”

“Not hard when you haven’t bathed, brushed your hair, or changed your clothes for weeks.”

“Can’t you just take the compliment?”

No. She cannot. It seems too much like pity.

“In comparison to what I was like before, anything would have been a vast improvement. You would have thought I looked good if I’d given myself a...” Rey pauses, searching for the least hygienic form of cleaning she can think of before finally settling on “tongue bath.” 

“I highly doubt that.” Rose grimaces before suddenly brightening. “Although, once we find Ben, we can put that theory to the test,” she says, then bursts into giggles.

“Rose!” Rey splutters, her face on fire. “That’s not--He wouldn’t--I would be the one--tongue bath,” she finishes lamely.

Despite Rey's utter humiliation and inability to complete a sentence, her tiny friend can only muster an unapologetic shrug. 

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate the effort.”

Effort? Rey looks down at her body. The same dingy clothes she saw in the fresher mirror’s reflection stare back. After running them through the sonic, she’d scrubbed and scrubbed with water, but the filth and grime of Exegol cling to her clothes, now permanently woven in the fabric. A far cry from their former gleaming white, but at least they’re clean now. And she did her hair in her usual style--three tidy buns. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

Well, except for the makeup. She may have put some on. But only a little, she thought. Is it that obvious? 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rose raises her brows, clearly not falling for Rey’s feigned obtuseness. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. We make planetfall today, and if everything goes well, you’ll see Ben. Of course you want to impress him. Unless...am I wrong? Have you suddenly developed feelings for Chewbacca?”

“What? No!”

“Good. For a second there, I was worried you’d have to fight Maz. Anyway, I wouldn’t worry. I’m sure your Force husband will be thrilled to see you no matter what you look like.” 

Rey lets out a short burst of air through her nose. “On the off chance I find Ben today and bring him back here, could you _please_ stop calling him that?”

“Only if you admit that you got dressed up for him.” 

Rey huffs again before she grudgingly admits, “Fine. Maybe I did. A little.”

She had stood in front of the fresher mirror debating whether or not she should even try to dress up. Wasn’t it just raising her hopes unnecessarily, considering Ben might not even be here? But as she continued to stare in the mirror, saw how tired, worn, and hollow she looked, vanity won out. She wanted Ben to think her beautiful. Too bad Rey didn’t have the first clue about how to accomplish that. It’s not like she had a mother to teach her those things. And it certainly didn’t help matters that she only knew two hairstyles and had only one (shabby) set of clothes. Still, she fixed herself up as best she could, all the while feeling like a little girl playing at dress up. She had used a sparing hand, hoping to escape Chewie and Rose’s scrutiny. Except Rose noticed the instant she walked into the room. She must have looked really bad.

Rey clasps her hands in front of her, squeezing the life out of them. “I know my clothes are dirty, and I can’t do anything with my hair. And my makeup probably looks atrocious, but--” 

“No, not at all! Oh, Rey. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have teased you. Don’t be nervous. You look beautiful.”

Rey scrunches her nose again, pushing down the happy feelings Rose’s compliment stirs inside her. After all, the last time she’d gone to Ben, hadn’t she done the same thing? And rather than acknowledging her efforts, Ben had her cuffed in irons. To be fair, those were extenuating circumstances, but it didn’t exactly inspire confidence either. She bites her lip. “Are you sure? You don’t think Ben will think I look ridiculous?” 

Both Rose and Rey jump about a foot in the air, startled by Chewie’s enthusiastic growl from the entryway. 

“Good grief, Chewie! A little warning next time,” Rose says, clutching at her chest. “But I agree. Ben won’t know what hit him.”

Chewie offers Rey a toothy grin and a series of cheerful trills before he waves them towards the cockpit and walks away. 

Rey busies herself with pulling on her poncho, pretending not to notice how Rose turns to her with narrowed eyes. “What does he mean, just like last time?”

Rey shrugs, hurrying to the cockpit with Rose hard on her heels. “You remember, I told Finn that I left Luke and went to Ben on the _Supremacy.”_

“I’m sensing there is more to this story, and I expect full details.”

“Remind me to tell you later,” Rey says as she squeezes past Chewie to get to her seat. With any luck Rose won’t remember.

Rey and Rose buckle in just before the Falcon pops out of hyperspace. The streaks of light disappear. In their place, the blue planet of Ahch-To looms large in the cockpit’s viewport, its surface wreathed in white. 

As they descend through the clouds and the Falcon skims across the surface of the churning waters, Rey’s leg bounces up and down. Quietly, so that no one can see, she presses her hand to the jittery knee, but it won’t stop shaking. 

Behind her Rose unbuckles her harness and rises to her feet, leaning over the back of Rey’s chair. “Wow. This is amazing.”

Is it? Rey doesn’t know. She’s distracted, unable to focus on anything other than what lies ahead. It’s nothing new. Ever since they’d exited the Guu Run and made their way into the reaches of the unknown, she’s been unsettled.

Matters were not helped when she’d questioned Chewie and found out that Han had gone to bring Ben home. Unfortunately, due to an issue with the Falcon’s holotransceiver, Ben didn’t know he was coming. Probably never found out, either. The day before his dad would have reached him, the temple had been destroyed, and Ben and Luke had both vanished. 

The past few nights have been spent in fitful sleep. Days filled with restless movement. Not much different from her life on Jakku, except then she’d had hope to cling to. Any doubt that her parents didn’t love her, or that they wouldn’t return for her was instantly and summarily dismissed. But once you’ve learned that you’ve spent all of your life waiting for a pair of corpses who, when alive, abandoned you to Unkar Plutt, well, it’s not quite so easy to hope for anything again. 

Rey may be good at waiting, but now she thoroughly hates it. 

She’s tried communing with the Force. As she had so many times in the past year, she’d reach out along their bond, just needing to touch it, to assure herself that she was still connected to him. But as they drew closer to Ahch-To, closer to the possibility that Ben wouldn’t be there, the small spark brought diminished comfort, and increased unease. 

Rey learned the hardest way, hope is only hope when the thing one longs for actually exists. Otherwise it’s just deception. And if her past is any indication, the more she wants something, the greater she’s willing to delude herself. And she has never wanted anything so much as she wants Ben Solo. 

She’s been like this for days, balanced on a knife’s edge between desire and dread, and she is exhausted. Emotionally, physically, spiritually--every aspect of her being is wrung out. And yet, through all the upheavals, there is one truth she refuses to relinquish. Rey may be full of doubt. Her capacity to hope likely blighted forever. But, oh, how she loves Ben Solo. 

So when she can’t stop thinking she’ll be alone forever, she pulls out her lightsaber and polishes it, all the while contemplating how she and Ben will find the perfect replacement for him. Would they return to Kef Bir and search the ocean for the one he threw away? Use the crystal in Leia’s saber? Or find a new one in the caves on Dantooine? 

When she thinks her wishes are impossible, she picks up the items in Ben’s box, holding them one by one as she remembers how they had called to her before she’d even met him. She touches the same objects he’d once held in his hands, reads all the notes he’d taken about his Jedi studies, traces his elegant scrawl with her finger, tries writing their names with one of his pens. 

When she misses him so much her bones ache, she forces Chewie to regale her with another story of Ben’s childhood. What kind of speeder did he first learn to fly? Was he any good with a blaster? How did he and Han keep Ben occupied when he would tag along on the Falcon? She peppers him with questions until he laughs and musses up her hair with his gigantic hands. 

When she’s terrified she’ll forget what Ben looks and sounds like, she wraps herself in his sweater and watches all the holovids Han had saved. Hours and hours of messages confirm what she already knew--she would have always loved Ben Solo, at any age and with any hairstyle--even the ill-advised attempt at growing a Padawan braid, which she vows to tease him about later. 

But now, as she sits in the co-pilot’s chair and sees her island loom on the horizon, she just wants to stay in her seat, in this place of half-knowing, because as long as she doesn’t move, she won’t have to learn that he’s still gone. 

_Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi._

Rey grips the arm rests. There is only one fear now. And it lies in finding the answer to the question that’s been haunting her since she woke from her dream on Tatooine: Is Ben Solo here? She prays this will be the last time she has to ask, but in reality, it might be the first time of thousands. 

Luke’s words continue to ring in her head.

Rey’s stomach lurches as the Falcon pulls up in preparation to land. 

She can do this. Just one more time. Rey closes her eyes and reaches out again.

_Be with me, Ben._

She rises from the chair. 

The ramp isn’t even fully extended when she runs down it, leaving Chewie and Rose to their plans to visit the Lanai village. She scrambles across the island’s worn pathways, the landscape nothing but a blur of grays, greens, and browns at the edges of her vision. With every step she carries him with her, holds every keepsake, story, holovid, and dream of Ben at the forefront of her mind and heart. She is not alone.

If confronting fear is her fate, she’ll do it with him. He’s her destiny too. 

When she finally arrives at the edge of the blowhole, she doubles over, hands on her knees as she catches her breath and peers into the depths below. This time she knows better and keeps herself firmly planted on the ground, careful not to get tripped up by the vines ringing the circle. Using the Force, she carefully lowers herself into the cave, hovering over the water until her feet make contact with the rock shelf. 

Slowly, she walks over the slick stone till she reaches the wall. The reflective surface always had small fissures running along its face, but now it’s split in half, right down the middle. 

Rey touches her fingertips to it, but the mirror does not draw her in. In fact, it is no longer a mirror at all. Just unyielding stone. And instead of a multiplicity of Reys, there is just her.

_Be with me, Ben._

_Please._

Nothing happens. 

This can’t be how it ends. Rey places both hands on the wall. She’ll heal the cave, and then he’ll return. Channeling all her strength, she calls on the Light. When that does not work, she pulls on the Dark. She strains and strains until she is driven to her knees, but all her efforts come back empty. She has nothing left to give, and she is still alone. 

After, when she has made her way back to the surface, she takes one last look back, not quite believing what just happened. She feels detached from her body. In her confusion, she almost tumbles down into the water. 

She really thought Ben would be there.

A cold wind moves over her clammy skin, and she shivers. “Why would he be?” it seems to whisper as it blows by.

Rey remembers her dream--how Ben was not inside the cave, but outside. 

She runs.

* * *

To Be Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I know I promised last chapter that Ben and Rey would reunite, but this was already almost 9000 words long. I do have their reunion scene written, with just a bit of a scene before that I need to work on before I post again. Hopefully, it won't take another four months. I'm aiming for a couple of weeks. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please review.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Eve Darcy for beta-ing. If there are mistakes in the goodbye scene, those are all mine.

Ben opens his eyes.

“She’s here, isn’t she?” Leia asks.

If the Force hadn’t already told him so, he could verify it from their bond. It shivers and pulls and sings, as if it were a string connecting his heart to Rey’s and someone had strummed it. He nods, not trusting his voice enough to speak. 

Leia walks over and places her hand atop his. Ben looks down at it dumbly, but then Leia tugs and he realizes she’s trying to help him down from the meditation plinth. 

Ben stands up on unsturdy legs. The clouds roll across the sky, turning the sky an even darker gray. Far below, the ocean churns, crashing loudly into the mountain’s side.

“Don’t want to keep her waiting, right?”

The question isn’t enough to shake him from his stupor. In a daze, Ben lets his mom lead him back into the cave, her tiny hand gripped firmly around his. Their footsteps echo in the stillness of the cavern as they pass the fountain and walk to the cave’s entrance. 

The sky is still dark when they exit the temple. At the top step, Luke awaits. 

“Looks like it’s time.”

Ben swallows, still not believing that Rey’s here. That it’s time for him to go. “So it seems.”

“When you see Rey, tell her she was right,” Luke says. 

“About what?”  
  


Luke gives him a crooked smile. “All of it. Especially you.”

When he holds out his hand, Ben takes it. “See you around, kid.”

“Goodbye, Uncle Luke.” 

With a final smile, Luke walks into the temple. It’s just Ben and his mom now.

Everything is happening so fast. Ben wants to see Rey, but-

Leia stares up at him. Her eyes glimmer with unshed tears, and Ben’s throat tightens. 

“If this is the last time I get to see you, I need you to know--”

“I know.”

“Just like your father.” Leia shakes her head, her eyes shining up at him. “I’m still going to say it. I love you so much. And so does your dad.” 

“I love you too,” he says, his voice and heart breaking.

“Now bend down so I can kiss you.”

He stoops down, and she stands on her tiptoes to press her lips to his cheek. Her hands come up to his face and she cradles it, stares at him as if she’s committing the planes and angles of him to memory. Finally, she let’s go.

“Did I ever tell you why your dad and I named you Ben?”

He shakes his head. “All dad said was that I should be grateful to him that I wasn’t called Obi-Wan.”

Leia laughs. “That’s right. Han argued to give you Obi-Wan’s alias instead. He didn’t want to saddle you with the expectations of that name, wanted you to be your own person. It also didn’t hurt that he liked the way Ben sounded more.”

There’s a heaviness in Ben’s chest. Maybe one of these days he’ll get to thank his dad for his thoughtfulness. 

“Your dad was often smarter than I gave him credit for,” Leia says, fondness in her voice. “As for Obi-Wan, I’m sure Luke told you all that we owe to him.”

“Just that he was both Anakin Skywalker’s and his Master, and that he sacrificed his life so that you could escape the Death Star.”

“That’s right. And after your grandfather became Darth Vader and your grandmother Padmé Amidala Naberrie died in childbirth, he made sure that your uncle and I were safe with loving families. But I didn’t find that out until after you were born.”

Padmé Amidala Naberrie. Ben hears his grandmother’s name for what might be the first time with curiosity. Little, if anything, was ever shared with him about the woman who had secretly married Anakin Skywalker. Right after Ben learned that his grandfather was Darth Vader, he went to Snoke. And following that, Ben’s focus had only been on Darth Vader’s mission and fulfilling it. Padmé, like everyone and everything else, lived in Vader’s shadow. 

“I wanted to honor him because he gave me hope when I had none.”

Leia rests her hand on Ben’s arm. “And now that you are going back with this new mission, it’s hard not to think that the Force knew all along. I can’t think of a more fitting name to have given you.”

Ben looks at the ground, unable to meet Leia’s earnest gaze. “Mom, I don’t think I’m ready--”

“Shhhh. Of course you are. No one ever feels ready. But I knew before you were even born that you would shake the stars. And just like the Ben you’re named after, you will bring hope to those who have only known despair.”

Ben rubs at his eyes, trying not to cry. “It’s not...I’m not sure I’ll ever feel ready for that, but I mean,” he pauses to clear his throat, “I’m not ready to say goodbye to you.”

Leia presses her lips together in a thin line. She bows her head and closes her eyes. Once she’s regained her composure, she looks back at him. “This isn’t goodbye.”

“How do you know that?”

“I _will_ see you again. It might not be in this lifetime, but one day, we will be together.”

Ben offers her a weak smile. He believes that too, but one day is so far away. “I just wish you could be there now.” 

“I do too, sweetheart. And who knows, maybe I will be. Let’s keep a little optimism here.” 

Ben nods. 

“Give Chewie a kiss for me.”

“Of course,” he says readily, though he has no idea how he’ll grant his mom’s request. The last time he saw Chewbacca, the Wookie had blown Ben’s side open with a bowcaster. 

Leia brushes at the shoulders of his sweater and then smoothes the material down over his arms. “Will you make me a promise?”

“Anything.”

“Let Rey love you.”

He’s determined not to ruin their goodbye by being disagreeable or pessimistic, so he just nods. 

“OK.”

“I mean it, Ben. And not just Rey. Let people care about you.” 

“I’ll try.”

“Good. And, Ben?” 

“Yes, mom?”

“One last thing--” Leia’s chin starts to tremble.

“Yeah, I know, I know. You want grandchildren,” he jokes as he wipes a tear from his eye. 

“Whatever gave you that idea?” she says through a watery smile. “Now stop teasing. I have something important to say.”

Ben stills. He can feel their time coming to an end, and he doesn’t want to miss a thing. 

“Your father may not be here now, but I know his heart and how he felt toward you. So when I say he’d agree with what I’m about to tell you, please believe me. I know it wasn’t easy being our child. I will always regret that we weren’t better at loving you, that you were made to feel for even a second that you had to compete with your dad’s wanderlust and my addiction to work. And I’m sorry you had to contend with the burden of having Skywalker blood and Obi-Wan’s name, instead of just getting to be you. Ben, you are more important than anyone’s legacy. And I’m not talking about your Force abilities. What you have with Rey, your dyad--it’s amazing. But as life-changing as it is, if you were to wake up tomorrow as Force-sensitive as a rock, you would not be any lesser for that. I don’t care if you forget everything we talked about during your time here, just as long as you go away knowing this: Your Force abilities are not what make you special. _You_ are special. Just you. Ben Solo. And that’s all you need to be. Ben Solo is more than enough. My son, _our_ son, is more than enough.” 

How is it possible for his heart to feel so full and yet broken all at the same time? Ben hugs his mom tightly to his chest. Leia wraps her arms around his neck, resting her cheek against his head as she strokes his hair. “My son. Never forget. Our love is with you. Always.”

“I won’t forget,” he promises.

All too soon, he can feel his mom pull away. She reaches up one last time to smooth down his hair, then steps back. “I’ll see you soon.” 

Ben swallows the lump in his throat. “Goodbye, mom.”

He stares determinedly out into the mist as he takes his first steps away. But when he hits the landing of the next set of stairs that will carry him out of sight, he has to turn around for one last look. His mom now shimmers blue, blurry at the edges. “What are you waiting for?” Leia says, shooing him away with one hand as she wipes away her tears with the other. “Go to her!”

Ben nearly stumbles down the steps in his haste, but when he reaches the bottom, he stops. Where is he supposed to go? The Force didn’t indicate what part of the island Rey is at; just that she’s there. Uncertain, he turns back for help, but Leia has disappeared. 

Ben raises his shoulders and pushes them back. He may not know where to go, but the island isn’t that big. He’s bound to run into her somewhere. He continues down the mountainside. 

The clouds seem to have fallen from the sky, covering everything with a blanket so thick he can barely see his hands in front of him. Carefully, he makes his way to the Saddle, which will eventually bring him to the Jedi village. He takes his first step down the next set of stairs, but pulls up short when he hears something call to him. Just like the first day he had explored Rey’s island. He’d promised to return there, but never got around to it. He’d been too busy training with Luke and Leia.

“Better late than never,” he mutters as he takes a tentative step off of the path and into the fog. His steps slow as it sinks in that this is where he’ll find Rey. 

What will he say to her? It’s not that he hadn’t thought of this moment, but all his imaginings consisted of her jumping into his arms and kissing him. Words were never needed, which was good, because when it came to her, words always seemed to fail him. 

_You’re nothing. But not to me._

Ben cringes at the memory. She means everything to him. Why couldn’t he have said that instead? Idiot. 

The last time they spoke was on Kef Bir. He doubts whatever he said covered him in glory; it’s probably best he doesn’t remember. Now if only he could forget some of her words to him. 

_You’re hard to get rid of._

_Stop talking!_

_Liar._

_Monster._

_Creature in a mask._

Ben chews the inside of his lip. Not for the first time, he considers that Rey probably does not reciprocate his feelings. And why would she? Just because the Force has connected them, doesn’t mean that Rey wants him romantically. Or in other ways. Ben’s cheeks warm, and he shakes his head to clear it. Of course, his mind chooses that moment to remind him of her kiss. The feel of her fingers on his chest when she’d healed him. The curious placement of her hand on his thigh in Snoke’s throne room. 

If only his mom hadn’t filled his head with thoughts of love and grandkids. And why did Luke have to share how Rey had attacked him for attempting to kill Ben? It’s like they want to set him up for heartbreak. He needs to lower his expectations. Be realistic.

Rey had used his leg for leverage. Touching him was required to heal him. And as for the kiss, it was probably nothing more than a thank you. She simply got carried away after defeating Palpatine, and he should not hold her to it. 

Sufficiently sobered, he comes to the following conclusions: One, he should plan what he’s going to say, and stick to it. No more bungled proposals this time. And two, he should definitely let her speak first. 

Ben pinches his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger. How to convey his affection without being presumptuous or demanding? It’s harder than he thought. He cares for her (that’s an understatement), but doesn’t want her to feel any kind of obligation or discomfort. Yet he doesn’t want to sound too formal; it is, after all, a declaration of interest. As he nears the end of his deliberations, a sliver of warmth blooms in his chest. It tingles, but not unpleasantly. He ignores it, having finally settled on his speech, imperfect though it may be.

_Rey, I need you to know that just because the Force connected us, you don’t owe me anything. You mean everything to me, but I have no expectations. I would love it if I could just be your friend._

As he commits it to memory, the mild heat increases its intensity, and the once comfortable sensation borders on painful. He’s not sure if it’s the Force’s way of telling him to hurry it up, or if his heart just hurts from being in such close proximity to Rey without actually being able to see her. Either way, it’s time to go. 

He jumps in place a couple of times. Takes a few deep breaths, and expels them loudly. 

_Now or never, kid._

Right. His fingers tremble as he runs them through his hair one last time, praying it’s settled in some pleasing way that also covers his ears. 

The mists part, and Ben walks through them.

* * *

Dread and hope war within as Rey trudges up the steps towards the Jedi village. _Remember_ , she warns herself, _Ben won’t be here_. Ahch-To is just a first guess, an unresearched, unstudied premonition brought on by an insubstantial dream. Still, she races toward the temple. 

Her steps falter when she reaches the village. Their hut, the one Luke had demolished, still lays in a state of disrepair, stones strewn everywhere. Bands of mist roll across the grounds, and the gray cast of the sky gives the abandoned circle of huts an eerie quality. Like she’s stumbled into a ghost town. Rey wraps her poncho tightly around her, desperate to ward off the chill that seems to dog her every step. 

Her calves burn as she steps onto the Saddle, but she can’t stop to rest. She turns to the next set of stairs that lead from the valley to the temple. Her foot barely strikes the first step when the whispers start. Something calls to her through the fog. It’s too thick to see through, but she knows the Uneti tree lies beyond. Cursing the decreasing visibility, she carefully picks her way over the uneven ground, going as quickly as she dares without breaking her ankle. 

The whispers build and build, but when she arrives at the base of the steps that lead to the ridge on which the tree grows, there is complete silence. Her stomach sinks like a stone. Rey races upward and skids to a halt at the top of the landing. It’s not here. Nothing remains of the Uneti tree but a blackened and charred stump. Rey stumbles over the uneven terrain in her panic, falling to her hands and knees. She pushes against the ground, but can’t seem to stand back up again. A cry of anguish escapes without her permission. The cracked mirror cave, the demolished hut, and now this. It’s too much. Why even ascend to the temple? Her island is wrecked and desolate. Just like her. 

She digs her fingers into the damp vegetation. In and out, she breathes. Deep lungfuls of air to gather the fraying edges of her hope, to keep from crying. 

_You might spend your whole life in search of Ben_ , she reminds herself _._ And if that’s the case, she can’t fall to pieces after every setback. Because that’s all this is, a setback. She _will_ find Ben, no matter what. 

Gritting her teeth, she pushes herself up so she is kneeling. It’s then that she sees it. Bright patches of pink thrift flowers, shocks of purple rock sea-spurrey, and bursts of white sea campion surround her, climbing and crawling over the ground and the remains of her once beautiful tree. As if the island grew flowers to decorate its grave.

_Death and decay that feeds new life._

There’s a fluttering, just at the edge of her vision. With a slight turn of her head, she sees a butterfly alight on a stalk of sea thrift blossoms, its wings closed as it sips from the five-petaled flowers. It’s not much to look at. Its dull brown wings tipped with patches of orange and white spots are no match against the magenta profusion of wildflowers on which it rests. Or so Rey thinks until its wings unfold to reveal the most brilliant blue she’s ever seen. Rey watches, mesmerized by the shimmering iridescence as the butterfly opens and closes its wings. 

Slowly, she reaches for the butterfly, hoping that it will choose to rest on her finger. Her fingertips are mere inches away when something flames in her chest, like a nascent star has made its home inside her ribcage. She nearly loses her balance as she clutches at her heart, and the sudden commotion startles the butterfly into flight. For a brief moment it hovers in front of her face, then flies past her, brushing its wing against her cheek. Rey staggers to her feet and spins around to follow its path, hand still pressed to her chest. 

She tracks it for as long as she can, but the mist and the contrasting brown and blue of the butterfly’s body play tricks on her eyes. It seems to flash in and out of existence with each flap of its wings. Finally, it slips behind the veil of the rolling mists, disappearing altogether, taking the rest of the world away with it. 

Through the silvery haze, she can just make out a shadow. Rey rubs at her eyes, but the silhouette is still there, looming closer and larger. She doesn’t need to see the face to know. She remembers his familiar gait. Even now the shape of him is solid and clear.

The clouds part, and there is Ben Solo, hand at his heart. 

* * *

The water vapor hangs in the air, bathing the landscape in an ethereal fog. Everything seems light and insubstantial. _Perfect_ , Ben thinks, because it feels like he walks within a fantasy. 

And at the center of his vision is the girl of his dreams.

Rey stands rooted to the ground, but he can’t stay still. Not when such a small distance is all that separates them. He stalks toward her, stopping only when his boots are about to bump against hers. 

There’s no Snoke or Palpatine, no Knights of Ren or Praetorian Guard to rush him. Slowly, reverently, he searches the beloved face he thought he’d never see again. Chestnut hair pulled back into her requisite three buns. High forehead. Delicately arched brows and thick lashes that frame large, expressive eyes. Freckled skin spanning the bridge of her pert little nose. Prominent cheekbones made sharper by the set of her obstinate jaw. And her full, pink lips set in a determined pout.

Each of her perfections are still there, and he cherishes the familiar symmetry of her. 

Wasn’t there something he needed to say? Oh, right.

_Rey, I need you. You’re everything._

That’s not the speech he prepared. Ben grasps for his practiced words, but they’re all out of order, jumbled in the face of her loveliness. Ben closes his eyes, tries to focus, but every thought is derailed by her nearness. Maker, she’s so beautiful. 

Perhaps that’s why it takes him longer than it should to realize that she won’t meet his gaze. And her body is strung so taut, she’s practically vibrating, as if she’s ready to run away from him. The moment he notices, the dreamy haze evaporates. He has no difficulty remembering his speech now, only the words stick in his throat.

“Rey, I--”

From under her poncho, a hand quickly darts out, but just as she’s about to touch him, she clenches her fist. It hangs there for a second before she slowly pulls it back to her side. 

“Are you really here?” Her question is a whisper she directs towards his neck, still studiously avoiding his gaze. 

His throat bobs up and down as he swallows, then nods. Belatedly, he realizes that she might not have seen his answer. 

“Yes,” he says, so quietly the word seems to vanish in the fog around them. He clears his throat, speaks louder. “Yes, I am.”

With a heavy heart, he sets himself to the task of his speech, knowing full well what her response will be. Of course, that’s her choice, and he will honor it. Her friendship will be the greatest gift, but it’s disappointing all the same. Heartbreaking, actually. 

A raindrop hits his cheek. He looks up at the gathering clouds, taking a moment to compose himself. Then another. It’s been harder to control his emotions, now that he allows himself to feel things besides anger. Still, he has no intention of crying. She has enough burdens, and he doesn’t want to be another. But if he can’t keep from shedding a tear or two, at least the impending rain will hide it from her. 

“Rey, I need-”

Her eyes flick up to his, widening when she realizes he’s looking at her. The greens and browns draw him in, a labyrinthine forest in which he finds himself utterly lost. “You came back.” 

Her words are tinged with awe, as if she can’t believe someone would return for her. He recognizes the familiar anger--the absolute disgust at her parents’ idea of protection, an even worse version of what his parents did to him--but more than anything the thought confuses him. Of course he came back. How could anyone _not_ return for Rey? More importantly, how could anyone leave her? If he had his way, he’d stay by her side forever. 

_This isn’t about you,_ he reminds himself sharply.

“Rey, I need you to know--”

“Ben, I need you to know--”

Just as they had spoken together, they stop simultaneously. 

Rey shutters her turbulent gaze and draws in a deep breath. But rather than calming her, the action seems to have the opposite effect. Ben’s heart lurches as her beautiful, fragile face crumples. 

Frantic to make her feel better, he raises his hand, but it hovers futilely in the air, paralyzed by his uncertainty. He knows how to destroy things, but to make things better? _Useless,_ he thinks, _completely and utterly use--_

Rey steps into him, burying her face in his sweater. His heart thunders against his sternum as she rubs her cheek against his chest, openly sobbing. Ben’s hand seeks purchase on her head, but when he is unable to find a place to pat without hitting one of her buns, he settles for her back, rubbing the space between her shoulder blades. 

Ben clears his throat and tries again. “Rey, I--”

“I love you,” she interrupts, speaking the words against his heart. His body goes absolutely still, so he feels how she trembles against him. The harder she tries to master herself the harder she shakes. Eventually, she gives up and just looks at him. 

“I love you, Ben Solo,” she says, louder this time. Slowly, tentatively he thinks, she brings her hand to his cheek. Her touch is light at first, then firmer as she tangles her fingers in his hair. 

He blinks. “You do?”

“Yes,” she says, as she brushes his hair behind his ear, runs a calloused fingertip along its shell. “More than anything.” 

“Ah. You do.”

Never in his wildest dreams had he foreseen her confessing her love to him. Actually, had he even heard it? Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on his part. His body immediately tenses, fearful to act in case he misheard. Ben’s not really sure what to say or even what he’s saying. 

But whatever he said, it’s clear it was the wrong thing.

Rey pulls away, her brows drawing down in confusion. She takes a step back, then another. “I’m sorry, I-” By now it’s raining in earnest, and her cheeks are wet. She stares through him, her face going blank, and he can somehow feel her shutting herself off from him.

The sensation jolts him from his stupor with all the subtlety of one of Snoke’s lighting bolts to the chest.

“No!”

Before she can take another step away, he grabs her shoulders and pulls her to him. His hands go to either side of her face, stroking her temples, insinuating themselves into her hair. “You love me?”

She swipes at her face, blinking the rain from her eyes. “That’s what I said, didn’t I?” she snaps. Such harshly spoken words from Rey would normally crush him, but then she sniffles and wipes at her eyes, and his heart hopes. 

Without thinking, he kisses the top of her forehead. She doesn’t object. Immediately, he searches for other places to kiss her. The little furrow in the space between her eyebrows. The delicate skin between her eyes and cheekbones. The stubborn set of her chin, which gives way to a quiver when he presses his mouth there. There, at the tip of her freckled nose, his lips catch a raindrop before it can fall. 

Another raindrop rests in the small valley above her lips. He stares at it enviously. Her tremulous breaths fan against his mouth, and he feels dizzy with anticipation. His hand shakes as it slides down to her neck, tipping her head back enough so he can look into her eyes. “May I kiss you, Rey? On your mouth? May I kiss you there?” 

Rey rises to her tiptoes and touches her lips to his for the briefest of moments. “Yes,” she whispers, and then she does it again. Her mouth is so soft, the softest thing he’s known in his life. When she begins to pull away, he follows her down, unable to part from her just yet. “Yes,” she sighs into him as her arms come up over his shoulders. 

Ben has no idea what he’s doing, but there is no self-consciousness. No thought other than to be closer, then closer still. “Ben,” her mouth parts as she whispers his name, and he traps the pout of her lower lip between his, savoring how she feels. “Rey,” he whispers back. 

Tender, slow kisses quickly give way, and Ben braces his foot behind him to keep from stumbling as her hands scrabble for purchase on his back. Her fingers finally settle down, brushing against the skin of his neck as she bunches them in the collar of his sweater and pulls him down. 

_Closer._

Ben draws her into his chest, bending over her as she arches against him. Their bodies curve around each other, joined together heart to heart. As if they could pull the other inside and keep them within forever. 

Rey breaks away, gasping. 

“Do you feel it?”

Right now, Ben feels everything, but he concentrates on the sensation he thinks she’s talking about, the one that washed over him just before he saw her. The small spark inside their bond is now a fire, glowing with all the energy of a newborn star. He hadn’t examined it earlier, too intent on getting to Rey, but now he dives in with her, plumbing these new depths. He feels it again, the pull to the light. Realizes that it was always her. Only now their bond teems with life, surging with every heartbeat. It feels limitless, like her ocean. Like their love. 

He nods his head, “Yes, Rey. I feel it too.” He peers into her face, marveling at the miracle of their connection. Of having someone as glorious as her in his heart. “I feel you.”

Just as he’s about to kiss her again, she pulls back and he nearly groans.

“Wait, what did you need to tell me earlier?” Rey asks haltingly, still trying to catch her breath. 

“Only that I love you too. You’re everything.”

She lights up like the sun, and his heart soars.

“You’re everything to me,” he says again, relishing how the skin around her eyes crinkles even deeper, how her brilliant smile shows off her dimples. 

By now the rain has soaked through their clothing. He runs his hands up and down her arms, bare under the loose sleeves of her poncho. She’s covered with goosebumps.

“Are you cold, my love?”

Rey hides her face in his chest, shaking her head.

“Then why are you trembling?” he asks in a low voice against her ear, which, he notes with pleasure, has grown noticeably pink.

She shivers again. “Not cold. Happy. I’m just...so in love with you.” 

Ben shakes his head, stunned that Rey could feel such things for him. It’s going to take a while to get used to. “I still can’t believe it.”

Rey grabs his face with her hands, then pulls him down, pressing a fierce kiss to his lips. “Believe it. I love you, Ben Solo,” She kisses him again, harder and longer this time. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” she chants as her kisses grow desperate. “I love you so much. I should have told you. I just thought there would be more time...I didn’t know,” she starts to weep.

Ben pulls away, his eyes full of concern. “Shhh, sweetheart, don’t cry. I’m not going anywhere.” 

She gulps down a sob, and nods. “You better not. I don’t do so well without you.” 

Gently, he cups her jaw in his hand and turns her face up to his. In his all-consuming pleasure at seeing her again, he’d missed it, but he sees it now, written plainly on her face. The dark circles under her eyes, the hollowness in her cheeks, the droop of her mouth. A feeling of helplessness and anguish at her pain sweeps over him, but then Rey leans into his hand. She closes her eyes and rubs her face against his palm, as if basking in the warmth of him and his desperation passes like an insubstantial cloud. He strokes her cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb. 

There has been so much loneliness, misunderstanding, and grief, but it’s time to put all that behind them. They’re together now. The mere remembrance of it makes his stomach swoop, like a wave has swept his feet out from under him. He searches for the words to tell her the joy she brings him, but it’s indescribable. Still, he tries, because he needs her to know, needs her to feel as good as him. 

“My whole life I’ve wanted to belong, and I nearly destroyed myself, trying to find my place in all the wrong ways. But then you came...Something inside me just knew, you were the belonging I sought. To hear you say you love me…” his voice breaks, choked with emotion, “I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want you and to be loved by you.”

At those words, Rey gazes up at him, and it’s almost too much for Ben to take. She has that look in her eyes, from Exegol, when he came to help her fight Palpatine. Hope, wonder, adoration; like he’s the dawn breaking after an endless night. Ben holds his breath as she pushes his hair behind his ears. He tries not to wince; they’re not his best feature. But as she gently traces the shells of his ears and rubs his earlobes, his forehead drops against hers and he exhales. 

“I know,” she says. “I feel that same way about you.”

The rain falls steadily, drumming against the ground, but Ben can’t hear it over the thundering of his heart. Even the way the wind whistles around the rocks and rushes through the grass is lost on him. He’s too focused on Rey’s lips, listening to the way her breath quickens and sighs as he just looks at her. The way it hitches right before he presses his mouth to hers. Ben clutches her to his chest. A strong gust lifts her poncho, causing it to flap about their legs. But he can only attend to the sound of her fingers as they scratch at his sweater, then card through his hair, the soft crackle barely audible over the rustle of their clothes as her thighs intertwine with his. 

They may as well have connected through the Force. Everything fades away, and it’s just them. Only this time it’s better, because he actually gets to touch her. 

Ben snakes one of his hands up to cradle the side of her neck, while the other settles at the small of her back. She arches against him, and he groans, unmade by her closeness. 

The rain starts to fall harder, soaking them, but Ben doesn’t feel the cold or any inclination to stop. 

He just needs her, and more of her, forever. 

The hairs on his arms and the back of his neck rise, as if his skin tingles at the very nearness of her. Even with his eyes closed everything suddenly brightens around him. He thinks nothing of it--he’s with Rey, after all; everything is always better with her--but then is startled half to death as a deafening clap of thunder breaks over their heads not even a second later. They jump apart, though Ben moves quickly to keep her close in the circle of his arms.

“Was that-”

“Lightning, yeah...We should, we should probably head inside,” Ben rasps against her neck as he struggles to breathe. 

“Probably,” Rey says, her voice hoarse.

Pressing a kiss to her neck, he lifts his head. The temperature continues to drop, and he can see their breaths intermingle in the narrowing space between them. 

“I don’t want to stop,” he says, unable to keep from touching her. His fingers trail down the length of her arms. 

Rey’s hands catch at his, braiding their fingers together. “Then don’t.”

He steps into her, crowding her, and she raises her chin. Her lips are bright pink and kiss-stung, her eyes glazed with want. _Because of me,_ he crows inwardly, _I made her feel this way._

Without warning, lightning strikes again, there in the ruins of the Uneti tree. With his eyes open, it’s blinding. He blinks, temporarily unable to see. As his vision starts to coalesce, she’s the first thing that appears. And the sight is dazzling.

Rey throws her head back and lets out a great peal of laughter. Her joy is contagious, and Ben feels the corner of his mouth curl up. In silent agreement, they race towards the stairs, hand in hand. 

Beneath the imprint of their boots, the soil breaks and a green sprout pushes through. The Uneti sapling reaches for the sky, soaking in the rain from the clouds and the ground. 

* * *

To Be Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted in less than two weeks. Sometimes I surprise even myself! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> Ready for unabashed romance and two hopelessly in love Jedi? I know I am!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


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